I feel like I did at the beginning...lost, angry, sad beyond belief. This is an article I wrote back then that resonates to me loudly today.

I have felt and understood the meaning of this phrase many times, in both good and not so good stages of life. But never have these words had a more profound meaning than now as I try to carry on living without my daughter. Living in the moment has become a necessity to survive.

It's the little things that hit me hardest every day...

What I have seen and heard and felt over these past two years reinforces my belief in the human spirit and its power.

It’s summer time and I watch my 6 year old learn to swim down to retrieve a diving bar. A simple task to some but for us, it is a monumental reminder that she can breathe and her 8 year old sister could not. It is a tribute to the strength of her sister who kept going even when it was so hard.

Today I write in honor of all moms who have lost their precious children.

It’s been two years since our eight year old daughter died. The only thing that has changed is our ability to pretend in the real world that we are ok. It is a façade.

Am I crazy to contemplate leaving this life to be with my deceased child? Is it normal to think about taking my own life so that I might find my dear daughter and be together again? Is it ok to want to leave this world to be with her in her new world? If I leave this place, will the pain go away?

My daughter died two and a half years ago and it feels like yesterday. I am not better; I’m just getting used to feeling this way.

A new year without my daughter feels incomprehensible. There is nothing to be excited about, there is no positive outlook. This calendar change is bleak and unwelcoming. There is no room among the sadness to make way for new and better ideas, attitudes and changes.