My son is getting to that age where he is more aware of things and has questions about the things he sees and hears. We’ve recently had conversations about sex, pornography, drug use and slavery.
Pre-motherhood, I always knew that I would be honest, forthright and honest about “difficult conversations” whenever the time came. I had no earthly idea it would be so soon in my son’s life, after all he is only in third grade!
However, the time has come, and I am honoring my commitment to answer his questions factually, honestly and truthfully.
That said, here are some tips for handling "sensitive topics":
Be age-appropriate: Always remember your child’s age and handle information based on what he will be able to realistically take in. “Where do babies come from?” doesn’t necessarily entail a detailed discussion of the female reproductive system for your kindergartner! Sometimes parents launch into discussions, and overlook the simple answer the child is looking for! For younger children, simple concepts are best, such as "Mommies have seeds and Daddies have seeds. When their seeds join together, it creates a baby that will grow inside the mother’s tummy in a special place called a uterus." Make sure you use words appropriate to your child’s age and stage of development and follow up by asking if your child understood what you said.
Get help from the experts: Your librarian can help you locate age-appropriate materials, as can your pediatrician. You can give factual information and still be true to the core values your family has. Get help from a trusted adult friend or member of your system of faith.
If you don’t know, say so: Don’t "fake it". If you honestly don’t know the answer to something, ‘fess up and tell your child that you’ll find the answers. Be sure to follow up and give the information requested.
Be your child’s first line of defense: Kids often hear “sensitive information” from peers, with their peers’ worldview. Often this is because parents are hesitant, reluctant, scared or just not sure how to go about imparting the information. Don’t let your children hear this information from others first. Be your child’s first teacher. They will learn that you are a source to be trusted, and will seek you out when there are more questions, rather than peers whose pressure to "try" sex, drugs or alcohol you want to countermand.
Don’t talk down to your child: Kid’s know when they are being patronized. Children are much more savvy than most adults give them credit for. Be honest and straightforward and you will gain their trust and respect.
Veer out of your comfort zone You will have to discuss things you aren’t comfortable with. Get your mind around that fact before you need to have a talk with your child about sensitive issues. You may need to practice in front of a mirror or role-play with an equally uncomfortable parent (be it spouse or another friend). Writing down your thoughts may help you visualize what you want to say or help you order and organize your thoughts. Many parenting forums online have threads on just this topic. Read the archives to see what has worked for other parents.
Find good printed resources: Find a trusted source of information to leave with your son to read on his own (for sons who are readers already).
Don't "Hand it off": Mother's of sons, in particular, are uncomfortable with sensitive topics. Many times we try to hand it off to Dad or another trusted male adult. Let your son know he can talk to you!
Be available for more questions: Don’t think, "Whew! That’s over!" It may just be the beginning. Be open to more questions, and let your child know the door is always open to further communication on the subject.
Having "The Talk" or any talk shouldn’t be something that reduces you to fits of anxiety. Look at them as opportunities to bond with your child and use them as vehicles to deepen communication for the years to follow.
