Accusations of setting back the feminist movement have been leveled by several “professional mommies” against Michelle Obama in response to her decision to leave her high powered and lucrative employment to follow her man to the Whitehouse and raise his babies. The ultimate sellout of professional moms was sealed given sentiment attributed to Ms. Omama, er . . . Obama in recent days that she is “not interested in being co-president.” Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin will likewise bear their apportionments of responsibility for the setting back of said feminist movement relating to their professional mommy status as it pertains to cookie baking, stained blue dresses, cigars, abortion, designer clothing and moose field dressing respectively despite their political accomplishments. The survival of the American feminist movement is precarious at best based solely upon the decisions and wardrobes of these three women. Stay tuned.

Conversely, several SAHMs (stay at home moms) and as many WAHMs (work at home moms) are elated that the President-elect’s wife has finally decided to put her children first. They report happily that Michelle Obama is poised to set the perfect example for all American moms, every single one of them no matter their lot and the rest of the universe that proper mothering requires the sacrifice of the very life’s blood in the nourishment of offspring. If some vestige of the original Michelle exists once her children reach majority provided it has not long since been forgotten or sucked dry, she will then be free to resume her stayed identity. It should be noted that Ms. Obama’s decision leaves the SAHMs and WAHMs free henceforth to pettifog among themselves as to the proper value and assignments of the “S” and “W” accordingly. No word yet as to which “AHM” group the incoming first lady will ultimately identify.

DISCLAIMER: Research on the issues addressed above will continue as to further derivations of the aforementioned groups and in an attempt to ascertain the heart and mind of every single woman on planet Earth so as to be able to offer educated opinions and arrogant assumptions as to the way every single woman on planet Earth chooses to live her life. This task will be accomplished in contemplation of the following attributes, including but not limited to socio-economic, marital, academic, racial, inter-racial, sexual orientation, tribal affiliation and religious status. Further, whether or not maternal subjects home school, prefer lakes or oceans; dark or light chocolate; are incarcerated or have a spouse incarcerated; consider themselves green, or green and crunchy; further, whether said shade of green is emerald, olive, Christmas, chartreuse, shamrock, lime or jade; drive foreign hybrids or wicked SUVs; wear makeup at home, only when going out or none, ever and dear God please apply some mascara; wear sexy panties daily or the more sensible cotton variety saving the sexy panties for special sexy panty occasions; do not have any occasion to wear sexy panties or for whom sexy panties are part of a required uniform. Further, whether maternal subjects wear only conflict free diamonds and ethically sourced gold; have only a foggy notion of or no clue as to what constitutes conflict free diamonds and ethically sourced gold; consider themselves feminist and are able to regurgitate the history of the feminist movement upon the most remote expression of polite interest and if so identified then whether of the liberal, radical, postcolonial, first, second or third wave, Marxist, lesbian, individualist, postmodern, eco-feminist persuasion to name only a few or a combo thereon or alternatively, those who do not give a rat’s ass about being labeled a feminist, but who teach and encourage their daughters never to allow themselves to be demeaned because of their gender and/or who were raised by parents who alienated a town by having forced the local little league association to allow their daughters to play baseball on the boys' team because there was no team for girls. Further, whether maternal subjects carry or wear their babies or whether the maternal subjects’ babies were too old to be worn by the time slings were popularized by American consumers in approximately 2003 though babies have been worn in other countries for centuries allowing women who worked at manual labor to remain hands free. Whether said maternal subjects remember the comfort of crying into a grandmother’s apron and/or being swatted by said grandmother with a spatula, flyswatter or wooden spoon.

Inasmuch as political pundits report that President-elect Obama is poised to commence the “re-branding” of America so to a largely female portion of the media discusses down to the very follicles of her hair, the branding of his wife. Michelle Obama has done a stellar job so far of living her life the way she chooses sans the advice of a critical public. Allow her the courtesy of continuing to wear her big girl panties, no matter the style, and we shall continue to wear our own. If the feminist movement is ever truly set back it will not be due to the decision of any one woman living her life as she chooses but more certainly due to banal rhetoric which oddly always seems to take the form of an educated, arrogant and offensive opinion that everyone else is doing something incorrectly.