Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Well today was a lot like yesterday. Iím just stuck in such a funk. I know that this is probably to be expected considering, but I canít say Iím happy about it. Iíve been cooking a few things to freeze for while Iím recovering. I canít imagine living for an undetermined amount of time on fast food, yuck! Tony is worried about me because Iíve been pretty down the past couple of days, today he came home with a dozen roses and a card telling me how much he loves me. Itís nice to have someone that cares so much about what Iím going through.
Iíve been reading some of the books I bought and I just canít believe the way some people look at hysterectomy. They actually have this mentality that once a woman has one she may as well be called a boy. As if! Iím sure the things Iím reading are contributing to my feelings right now. I was discussing this with Tony at dinner and he told me that I should stop reading that stuff, but like I told him, I have to finish it now in hopes that there will be some good news in the end. One of the ones Iím reading is a womanís journey through a hysterectomy and recovery, I shouldíve known better than to read any book on the subject that was written in 1986. I mean, I sure do hope that there have been advances in the way this kind of thing is handled since then.
I do expect to have some problems during all of this, itís not like I expect it to be easy. And yes, I do agree that parting with oneís reproductive organs, especially when theyíve never even served their purpose is a very difficult thing to deal with, but canít anyone write anything with a more positive outlook on the subject. How come the only things I can find are books where people are ranting and raving about how horrible hysterectomies are and how no woman in her right mind should ever allow a doctor to remove her organs? I do intend to be completely honest and document my feelings as they are, but I just canít help but believe that I will get through this and my life will improve because of it. Iíve lived the past six years of my life feeling bad all the time, itís been one health problem after another and I hope to God that by doing this my quality of life will be much improved. Hopefully my hopes wonít be completely shot down, but my Mom raised me to look for the positive and thatís what I intend to do. Hey, if nothing else, Iíll never have to buy ďfeminine productsĒ ever again, Yay!!
After suffering two miscarriages, Polycystic Ovarian Disease, endometriosis, and Graveís Disease, Amanda has chosen to have a hysterectomy to relieve her pain. She had surgery on September 9, 2003.
Check back daily for new installments of ďAmandaís Story.Ē