“Hey, scroll up for a second,” my husband said as I proudly showed him the Body Image site on BellaOnline, and my new role as editor.

“What, go back to the girls in bikinis?” He’s always made every effort NOT to look at other women when I’m around, so this surprised me. “All right…if you really must look at them again…” I scrolled back to display the side ad, containing several long-haired, slim girls in itty bitty swimsuits.

“I don’t care about seeing them,” he said. “But I’m wondering why an ad like this is on a website that empowers women?”

A good question; and one that hadn’t occurred to me though it has prompted at least one reader to email us (we welcome your thoughts and comments!). I’m looking into this – but I’m not entirely convinced that ad placement is the whole issue. Since we may never be able to ban all bikini ads, images of perfection and impossible Hollywood standards, maybe we need to approach swimsuit model advertising and societal pressure differently. Maybe we need to learn how to live - or thrive, even - with swimsuit ads.

I barely notice bikini-clad models and gorgeous movie stars because of all the fitness magazines, Hollywood movies, and television shows I consume. I mistakenly think I’m immune to bikinis and perfect shapes, whether they’re on the beach or an empowered woman’s website, because I see them all the time.

Ah, but my subconscious isn’t immune to anything. My subconscious registers and files every flawless shape, every perfect hairdo, every entrancing smile…and whether I’m aware of it or not, I’m willing to bet that even as I think I’m oblivious to the ads I’m still comparing my own shape, hair, and smile to those models. This is an impediment because accepting myself for who I am right now and having a healthy body image is difficult enough without images of impossible perfection bombarding me from every side.

For me it’s difficult, but not impossible. How about you?

If you have a healthy body image, you know that you are more than your physical appearance. Your self is composed of so many intellectual, professional, spiritual, and emotional layers. You know that despite a few extra pounds, stretch marks, varicose veins, and an imperfect face – you are unique, valuable, and interesting. Nobody possesses the qualities you do in your own unique combination, and nobody offers the world what only you can!

If you have a healthy body image, you know there will always be others more beautiful and others less beautiful than you; others smarter and not as smart; others with more education and others with less; others with more Gucci and others with less; others with more travel experiences and others with less.....it’s endless. It’s pointless to compare, because regardless of whether the woman next to you is “better” or “worse” than you in some way – it doesn’t change who you are.

Who you are, your dreams and passions, your loves and hates, your achievements and disappointments, your gifts and skills – those don’t change whether there’s a bikini model on your computer screen or staring back at you when you look in the mirror.

Maybe it’s ironic that there are swimsuit models on a body image website. Or, maybe it just reinforces what you already know: those images of perfection are not only pervasive to and enmeshed in our society, they’re also unrealistic and impossible – which means there is no value in comparing yourself to them. Their presence doesn’t change the wonderful qualities you possess, the road you’ve traveled, or the dreams you’re pursuing in your life.