I find the issue of resilience interesting. After a miscarriage (or other loss), some people start websites, write books or become involved with charities or advocacy. Other people seem to withdraw and have the whole rest of their lives overshadowed by their tragedy. I know a woman who had miscarriage two years ago yet continues to say she wishes she could die and be with her baby. Obviously this is an extreme case yet people definitely exhibit varying degrees of resilience

What is resilience anyway? According to the American Psychological Association, “resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress.” So what can you do if you just don't feel you're bouncing back from your loss? Resilience is probably not something you inherited from your parents. There are ways to become more resilient.

You should know your strengths and weaknesses. This is good advice for anybody, even if you haven't experienced a loss. But if you understand what's harder for you and which things are easier for you, it can help you process grief.

Making connections is important for resilience It's important to find people who have been through similar experiences or even just people who are sympathetic to whom you can reach out. Nobody wants to feel like they are all alone with their problems. It's important to know that other people understand what you're going through.

Accept that change is inevitable. Lots of us really don't like change. We'll expend lots of time and energy trying to keep things status quo. Realistically though, change is the only constant. Certainly not all changes are positive. Having a miscarriage – the change from expecting a baby to not can be extremely painful. But if we accept that life is full of changes and many of them are beyond our control we may cope better.

Focus on what you can do. This goes along with knowing our strengths and weaknesses. There are things we do have control over in our lives. Exerting control over those things can make us feel less victimized and more resilient. Even decisiveness over seemingly unrelated things can make us feel better.

Resilience is a work in process. As long as we continue to learn new things, learn from our mistakes and try to see things from different perspectives we can continue to improve our resilience