Now that you’ve decided to apply to graduate school, it’s time to ask for letters of recommendation. As arbitrary as it may seem, your letters of recommendation may be the easiest items to obtain for your application packet, but may also be the only items over which you have very little control. For this reason, it is extremely important to start thinking about potential referees before you start your graduate school applications.

The first thing many grad school applicants worry about is who to ask for letters of recommendation. Ideally, it should be professors or instructors with whom you have a good relationship, and who know the quality of your work. If you are an undergraduate student, or someone who is currently associated with a university or college, finding someone to write letters should be fairly simple. However, if you have been out of school for a while, say, over ten years, then it may be more difficult to find a professor who remembers you. In this case, it would be wise to try to contact your old professors and gently remind them of who you are. Otherwise, you can ask your current employer, former guidance counselor, or someone who is familiar with your ability to do graduate level work. If you are unsure that your graduate program will approve of doing this, call the graduate director and ask. Make no mistake; you do not want to ask your friends, relatives, or professors who have no idea who you are to write letters for you. Your referees need to be people who can write a thoughtful, detailed letter about your ability to do graduate level work.

Just as important as whom to ask for letters, is when to ask them. As soon as you know you want to apply to graduate school, you should start looking for at least three people (and possibly a back up) to write letters for you. A good time frame is about four weeks before the letters are due. Additionally, let your referees know up front how many letters you will need, as they will need to tailor them for each school to which you are applying. Of course, some professors may send out a standard letter, but anyone who is truly advocating on your behalf will want to do more. With that in mind, be mindful of asking for too many requests in one application cycle. Professors are extremely busy, and have more to do than write you twenty letters of reference in a week’s time.

Although more and more grad school applications have converted to an online application system, there are still schools that will require your referees to mail in a letter. In this case, it is standard for you to send your referee all the materials he or she will need to mail the letter for you. This includes an addressed envelope, along with any forms that need to be filled out. Some schools may require you to send all of your application materials together, and in that case you will need to still provide the information, but you will also need to get the letter, which has been signed and sealed, and send it along with your other materials.

One other aspect of the recommendation letter process, I’ve noticed, is a little difficult for some students. It is very important that you waive the right to view your referee’s letters. Most professors will not write letters for students who do not waive their right to view it. Why is this important? Well, referees need to be able to write unhindered regarding your ability to do graduate level study. They may address your strengths and weaknesses, along with other aspects of your potential. These things may not always be favorable. Additionally, it is the way it has been done in academia for decades, and probably will not change. Just because it is your right to see the letters doesn’t mean that you should.

Therefore, you should carefully consider who you ask to write your letters of recommendation. It would probably not be in your best interest to ask professors who barely know you, nor would it be wise to ask the professor whose class you blew off. The reality is that people do not forget when they have been disrespected, when you were a less than attentive student, or if you did fair to middling work. So be careful and only ask for letters from people who genuinely believe you are capable of doing graduate work, and people whom you have not alienated in some way. A former professor of mine made it clear that if he could not write a good letter of recommendation for a student, he would not write one at all. Likewise, only ask professors who you feel confident will write you a “good” letter.