Recently, I taught a class of small children who were enthusiastically participating in my lesson on being a peacemaker. They all agreed they liked it best when their families were happy and not fighting. They agreed that if your brother took away your toy, you should not hit him, yell at him or call him names. But then the lesson fell apart. I asked them what they should do instead. Most of the children said they would run and tell their mothers. When I suggested that tattling when no one was in danger was not being a peacemaker, I saw many of the little faces shut down. They pouted, argued, and would not change their minds.

Often, when we teach, we realize there will be people in our class who will not like what we are about to say. Whether we are quoting a prophet about the importance of having a mother stay home with her children, explaining the value of tithing or encouraging our class to keeping the Sabbath Day holy, someone will object, and may do it vocally. Someone will be uncomfortable and believe you are teaching this lesson specifically to scold them. Every now and then, someone will walk out of your class, hurt or angry. What do you do when the topic is touchy?

Prayer is always the first step in preparing a lesson. As you pray, ask to know how to present the lesson so it will touch the hearts of your students. If, as you pray, you feel impressed that this lesson might hurt or upset someone, you can begin to prepare with that person in mind. If you know in advance that someone is touchy about the subject, you should pray specifically about that person.

As you prepare the lesson, try to imagine yourself as a student who does not live this commandment, or who perhaps is unable to live it for some reason (such as a student who joined the church without his or her family.) Imagine how you might feel as each part of your lesson is presented. I don’t feel that you should normally, unless you feel impressed to do so, skip the touchy part of the lesson. We are called to teach the gospel, even if the gospel is sometimes hard. However, you usually have some choices in how to present the touchy topic.

First, avoid judgment. Don’t suggest that a person who does not live the commandment is a bad church member. It isn’t our place, as a teacher, to create feelings of guilt. Instead, we are to teach the principles and show our students how to live the gospel. Focus on the positive. What blessings come from keeping this commandment? Express understanding of how difficult this commandment can be to live, but express confidence in the ability of the class to be successful, and offer guidance for achieving this success.

What do the prophets say? What do the scriptures tell us? How can we keep this commandment when the keeping isn’t easy? By quoting the prophets and scriptures, we avoid making personal judgments about those who don’t live this part of the gospel. Bear your testimony of the blessings that can come from living this aspect of the gospel, which is where your own feelings are most appropriate, but be sure your testimony doesn’t sound like bragging or condemnation of others.

If someone wants to argue, be gentle and kind. Explain that the purpose of this lesson is to help those who would like to keep this commandment. If the member is uncomfortable with the teaching, he should go to his Heavenly Father in prayer to decide his own responsibility in this matter. Then firmly return to the lesson. If you know in advance there will be trouble, ask a member of the auxiliary presidency to assist you.

If someone walks out hurt, be sure to contact her later that day to talk over with her what happened in a loving way. Let her know the lesson was not about her; it was simply the scheduled topic. Apologize if you inadvertently hurt her and find out how you can help.


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