This is an issue that is not addressed often enough by experts on marriage, but it has the power to destroy what could be a loving and wonderful marriage if left unchecked. If your partner was promiscious or had lots of sexual partners, and you weren't, it can be a very difficult situation to cope with. Thins become even worse if you feel (or your partner makes you feel) inadequate compared to past lovers.
Here are 5 suggestions to help you cope.
1. Keep the past where it belongs - in the past. Your partner loves you and is with you - not with his ex. Stop digging up the past and dragging it into the present.
2. Build your own self-esteem and sense of worthiness. Realize that you are unique, special individual. Stop comparing yourself to your spouse's past partners.
3. Trust your mate. Unless your partner has given you reason to believe otherwise, trust him or her. Just becase he was very sexually active in the past, doesn't mean that he will be unfaithful to you.
And here are 2 more tips for the more sexually active partner. Dealing with your spouse's negative emotions, such as jealousy, insecurity and anger, can be really hard. Here are two tips to help you cope.
4. Stop comparing your mate to your ex. This can quickly erode the trust between you and destroy your partner's self-confidence. Look for and focus on your mate's good qualities, the qualities that drew you to him or her in the first place.
I would highly recommend the following book to help you build your partners self-esteem.
5. Take your partner's feelings into consideration. Your wife doesn't need to know what a vixen your ex-girlfriend was in bed, but she may be able to handle that you slept with 3 girls before marrying her.