By Debra Mittler, Certified Hypnotherapist
While engaging in anorexia I had a very low self-esteem and believed I was unworthy and undeserving of anything, especially food. I focused my attention on lack and limitation, and that’s exactly what I got. I never felt like people liked me as I didn’t like myself. The more I focused on having no friends, the more I was alone. Food and exercise were my replacement for relationships. It felt safer than dealing with people treating me badly and hurting me.
Anorexia was my protection from the world and kept my thoughts and physical activity occupied so I didn’t have to think about or deal with anything else. I did it for so long, it became my identity and way of life.
What was this program in my mental computer that controlled my every waking minute? The more I acted out in my rituals, the deeper it went into my subconscious making it even more difficult to change.
Almost a million dollars was spent on my treatment centers, hospital visits and therapy, nothing worked. Everything was just a holding tank so I wouldn’t die. In “treatment” I learned more ways to stay sick from the other patients. I felt so alone in the world and developed co-dependent relationships looking for love, attention and someone to take care of me. I was looking for everything outside myself, not knowing the answers were in me all along. From my earliest memory believed I was unworthy, ugly, stupid and caused problems for everyone. This manifested as I grew older. These thoughts and feelings were so deep-rooted in my subconscious mind that it wasn’t until I started hypnotherapy that my life started to change.
I went to hypnosis school wanting to become a hypnotherapist so I could help people. Little did I know I was there to help myself. It was my first experience with hypnosis. I saw how powerful and rewarding it was, so I started using it for myself. I made hypnosis tapes on things I wanted in my life. I would put myself in trance and listen to them. I was starting to reprogram my mind to think and act in a healthy way. I was learning new ways to help myself get well.
I found ways that worked for me, not some doctor telling what I should be doing or me how I need to think. By doing self hypnosis and visualization, I saw myself being, doing and having the things I truly wanted. By seeing it and experiencing it, it didn’t feel so scary to actually do it when I was out of trance. It felt normal to do the new behaviors. I began to eat more, and exercise less. I did yoga instead of power walking. I starting eating pancakes and wholesome sandwiches, and much, much more. By the power of my thought in and out of hypnosis, and continuously focusing on health, abundance and happiness, I was starting to slowly let go of the anorexia.
