Sometimes, being a single woman can present difficulties when it comes to how we are viewed in the eyes of our friends and loved ones. Often there is considerable pressure on the single person to find a mate or to at least show interest in being part of a couple by flirting or acting as though being single is not really part of their plans in life. The very people who say they care for us can inadvertently cause us to feel as though we are being identified by our association with a mate. This is a huge burden for anyone to bear, let alone the single college student, single mother, the recently divorced, widowed, or recently separated. Therefore, it is important to remind yourself that marriage, flirting, or dating when not ready, is not for everyone and should not become an option taken by force. Even if the ‘’force’’ is coming from us.
While it can be extremely difficult to deal with being the ‘’odd woman out’’ when all your friends are now beginning to ‘’date’’, it becomes even harder to fend off the questions about your ‘’singleness’’ that come at you from your newly ‘’coupled’’ buddies. It is at this moment that you must step back from the situation that is affecting you. Look deep within at what is truly going on. How do these inquiries about why you are not ‘’dating,’’ ‘’flirting,’’ or ‘’getting marriage proposals,’’ make you feel about your life? If these questions start making you uncomfortable about being single, or worse, if they make you feel ‘’less’’ about yourself, then it is time for a self-esteem makeover.
When our self-esteem is solid and we are centered, no question can knock us off our foundation. It doesn’t matter whom is doing the asking, we know our own worth, and we know that it does not lie in whether we are single or not. This is the time that you ought to ask yourself some even harder questions. You have to learn to value yourself first, and then you will realize that no matter what others say, think, or feel about you will have little effect on the image you have of yourself. The most important relationship in anyone’s life is the one we have with ourselves.
Single people in particular, must learn to fundamentally like and value themselves as they are, now. When we build a healthy self-esteem, it changes the way we feel about ourselves and show ourselves to others. We need to become someone that we value and to let others see us in the same way.
(Next week, Part II - When Single Friends Start to Pair Off Without Us)
Special Note: Thank you to all my readers who sent in suggestions of what issues they would like to have Single Life cover. I received an overwhelming number of responses and will address each topic in the coming weeks.