This is a question that is asked by millions of women ever since Eve tried to get Adam to bend to her feminine wiles. How do you get your husband to give you time and attention? How do you get him to put you first? How do you get him to ...... (fill in the blank)
The most common response that most women tend to have when their husbands fail to meet their needs is to complain and criticize. But this is just about the most destructive thing you could do.
Choose your battles wisely. If you complain and criticize your husband for every little thing, he'll start to perceive you as a nag. (And who can blame him) Then when you do complain about something important, he'll tune you out.
If your husband feels like he can never do anything right, he's likely to give up trying to please you all together, giving you even more to complain about.
1. Tell him what you want clearly. Your husband is not a mind reader. Just because he loves you doesn't mean that he can read your mind and decipher the innermost yearnings of your heart. If you want him to help with the dishes or to touch you in a certain way when you make love then you need to tell him that in a gentle and undemanding way.
2. Relax your high standards ... just a little. So many women complain that their husbands never help around the house or are not involved with the kids. But when you investigate the matter a little further, you'll often find that at first the husband did help. But his wife always found fault with the way he did things and so he gave up.
The secret to getting your husband to help around the house is to thank him when he helps and to appreciate him for whatever he does....even though it's not done exactly as you would have done it. Aren't you motivated to do more when you are praised than when you are criticized?
Wives make the frequent mistake of readily voicing criticism but keeping quiet when your spouse does something good. Many women have asked me "Why should I thank him for doing his duty?" And my answer is that it makes life so much more pleasant and it makes for happier marriages and stronger families.
3. If your husband does things differently, instead of immediately correcting and criticizing him try these 3 steps instead:
* Ask yourself if there is something that you could learn from the way he did it?
* Has the job been accomplished?
* Express appreciation
One insidious side effect of criticism that is often overlooked is that it makes you feel less loving toward your husband. That's because you are focused on what you perceive as his faults rather than on his good qualities.
4. Meet your husband's needs. Giving is the first step to receiving. When you readily and willingly meet your husband's needs he will be more willing to reciprocate and meet your needs.
If you nag, or try to manipulate your husband through guilt and tears, or you are unpleasant and surly, he's not going to want to be around you very much. Nor is he going to treat you the way yo want to be treated. But if you love and respect him and treat him the way you would like to be treated, it won't be long before he returns the favor.