Flirting with your spouse requires slightly different tactics than flirting with a stranger. Why? There’s little mystery and magic left between partners who’ve already discovered all there is to know about each other. A little strip-tease doesn’t have the same effect on a man who has already seen everything you’ve got, and has seen it again and again and again.

The definition of flirting is “the act of engaging in playful, sensual, teasing gestures in order to attract a person’s attention or arouse his sexual interest.” Assuming your husband still desires *sex* with you, you’ll be able to flirt with him and put him in a playfully interested mood. The purpose is to create sexual tension. It’s like playing a cat and mouse game where you’re the very clever, sexy mouse who knows just how to wiggle one step ahead of the very interested cat. All the looks and gestures say, “I like you. Catch me and you can have me.”

Flirting is subtle. There is no direct propositioning going on. When you flirt with a stranger, you convey the message that “I think you’re verrrry nice” (sexual overtone implied). And that is flattering and alluring enough for him. That’s why flirting can be harmless. You needn’t back up casual flirting with *sex*. There’s only delicious sexual tension! Will we or won’t we? I might want to…do you?

Because you already have a long sexual history with your husband, you need to flirt differently. There isn’t any sexual tension between you. He knows you’re his and can have you anytime. So you have to create that sexual tension. How? By flirting with him during a time and/or a place where you can’t have *sex.* You let him know with body language that you want him…too bad we just can’t…if only we were…

Where? At a cocktail party. A restaurant. In a theater. Any public place. In a crowd. Even in your own home when he’s just about to walk out the door. Or otherwise engaged in an activity he can’t abandon.

What to do?
*Catch his gaze and smile softly at him from across the room. Then, look away. Do it again.
*At a restaurant, slip off a shoe and rub his leg with your foot. Go just a little higher. No one else will know. Unless you have toe jams. ha.
*Whisper something naughty in his ear.
*Caress his neck lightly with your fingers.
*Tell him what he does that you absolutely love.
*Text him messages. My husband usually has to delete them immediately after reading. They are for his eyes only. Provocative but not crass. “You make my nipples tingle.” Guaranteed to make him smile.
*Show just a little jealousy so he knows you value him and want other women to back off. It’s flattering as long as it is very slight.
*Sigh deeply and lean against him, nuzzle his neck. Feel as though you’re just getting ready to engage in *sex.*
*Play at home. Do something child-like to help him feel youthful. Say, “If you catch me, you can do what you like with me.” And run! Play a silly game: “I’m going to tickle you and if you don’t laugh, you win and can choose a prize.” Old wives get too serious. Who wants to be married to an old bore? Even Betty White still knows how to flirt and play with men.
*Feel sexy yourself! What do you do when you feel sexy? You smile, you laugh, you toss your head back and shake your hair free, you stroke your arms or legs. Do you run your fingers through your hair? You probably did all of these things while you were dating. Look at other sexy women and observe how they act. Most of the time, they say it all with their eyes and tone of voice. Project feelings of desire and sensuality through your eyes! Sensuality is the quality of exuding a smoldering sexual energy so go ahead and smolder!

These are all acts of the mate attraction process. If you think you reached a point in your marriage when you’re past all that, I say turn back the clock! You’ll be surprised to see how favorably your husband will react. It will turn him back into that sexy, interested lover that couldn’t wait to hold you in his arms.

Some women complain that they don’t like to even touch their husbands, let alone flirt with them, because their husbands take any physical contact as a green light for *sex.* “I don’t even want to hug him because he starts groping me and wants *sex,*” a friend of mine said. I find that this is true mostly when the couple isn’t having sufficient *sex* so the husband will leap at any possible opportunity. The best way to overcome this is not only to be sure each partner is satisfied with the quality and quantity of *sex* but to touch each other, in non-sexual ways, more often. A loving hug, hand-holding, pat on the back, shoulder rub, hair ruffle. This way, a man won’t take a surprising, out-of-character touch as a signal that *sex* is following and respond like one of Pavlov’s dogs. He will learn to enjoy it for what it is: a caring, pleasant, teasing touch.