At last we have been introduced to The Apprentice UK 2011 candidates on its official website, and a singular lot they are. As every web browser knows, there are always 10 requirements in life. Here then, is my ‘must do’ list for survival in their very public, extended job interview with the Dark Lord himself, Baron Sugar of Clapton.
1. BLOW YOUR OWN TRUMPET
Gavin Winstanley – 'I’m So Special and So Brilliant'
Glenn Ward – 'To Be Honest I Am Pretty Great'.
Jim Eastwood - Lord Sugar might think 'This Guy’s Too Good to be True'.
2. CITE AN ICONIC ROLE MODEL
Three of the guys are inspired by Richard Branson, and are not afraid to say so on the official BBC The Apprentice website! (Sorry, Lord Sugar).
Erm… maybe not that good a move?
3. START EARLY IN LIFE
Glenn Ward took apart and rebuilt a computer aged 8
At the age of 12 Zoe Beresford BOUGHT A HOUSE - with her sister. We don’t know how old the sister was. Presumably in double figures?
Jim Eastwood was already working in his dad’s fish and chip shop, aged 9
Smart E Pants was a brain surgeon in Bognor Regis, aged 3. OK – I made up the last one.
4. LIVE DANGEROUSLY
Leon Doyle - Survived a near fatal fall from a tree aged 12
Melody Hossaini was - ‘held at gunpoint in my own home’ - as a child in Iran
Zoe Beresford fell off a ‘Grand National’ horse and sustained bruising to the brain. (‘Nothing stops me’ she tells us – though it’s unclear if she was actually winning the race at the time)
Ellie Reed chased a burglar out of her house aged 17 (Ellie, not the burglar).
5. HAVE A PAPER ROUND
Three of the candidates delivered newspapers door to door, which always gets Brownie points with Lord Sugar - but Edward Hunter went one better. He: ‘sub-contracted a paper round to a 10 year old when I was 14’. This is a salient lesson in turning a negative into a positive – lest it otherwise be seen as bullying or extortion.
6. WORK IN THE FAMILY FIRM
Like the afore mentioned 9 year old Jim Eastwood, chipping spuds for his dad:
Edna Agbarha worked on her uncle’s market stall in London’s Covent Garden as a teenager
Zoe Beresford worked in the family business and BOUGHT HER OWN HOUSE aged 12. I know!!
7. GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY
Tom Pellereau’s first job was sorting agricultural bulbs from mud
Edward Hunter was a gardener, aged 12
Glenn Ward cleaned cars in his street, aged 14
Natasha Scribbins worked cleaning the bakeries of a major retail chain, aged 15 (mind you, she only just scraped 4 GCSE’s, so this was clearly a smart move).
8. BE IMPRESSIVE
Tom Pellereau is an inventor. That’s right – He’s an Inventor!
9. BE VERY IMPRESSIVE
Melody Hossaini speaks 5 languages. She set up a global youth consultancy at the age of 13 – she won a ‘Woman Of The Future’ award for voluntary work – possibly whilst wearing a silver cat suit and brandishing a ray gun. She has worked with TWELVE Nobel Prize Winners – including Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama. She has trained in climate change with Al Gore. (Lord Sugar had better not lose in the battle of the Big Als then!). She was kidnapped and held at gunpoint in her own home!! She is also very beautiful, and is actually a robot.
10. BE MEAN
The notable exception to this rule is Susan Ma who tells us she is ‘happy, easy to talk to and enthusiastic’. I wish she was my best friend – but fear for her mental health, and wonder how long she’ll last with this lot. Meanwhile, back to reality - (TV) - and being mean.
Ellie Read - ‘I’m just a nice person but I have a dark side. I don’t like bitchy people, freeloaders, people who take credit for other people’s ideas. I’ll fight my corner to the death’
Natasha Scribbins – ‘I very much manipulate individuals. I identify and push buttons, I rub them up the wrong way. I’m prepared to do what I need to do to get the job done. Quite in your face, I’m ruthless’
Glenn Ward – ‘I want to make friends in the house. I’m pretty sociable. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I make them think I’m good for them, and at the last moment drop them like a stone. It’s a bit harsh but fair’
Alex Bitez Cabral – ‘I like being unpopular as usually that means you’re doing your job properly’.
And who will win? Well in an ideal world my money (money money) is on Susan Ma as she’s a darling, or Melody Hossaini as she’s a super hero – but I suspect Lord Sugar will be impressed with some down to Earth ‘tell it like it is’ hard boy, so maybe Glenn Ward will take the cupcake, as he’s not very nice.
Eileen recommends -
She watches The Apprentice on British TV