Men may need faithful dogs and good pals, but most say their wives are their very best friend. Hereís how you can be your husbandís most trusted friend.
1. Genuinely enjoy his company. That doesnít mean you have to like what he likes or do what he likes to do, but do enjoy spending time together over some light-hearted activities without having to have deep, emotional discussions about life, his family or your work all the time. Men blow off steam by just hanging out and taking their minds off of weighty responsibilities. Show him you can do the same.
2. Donít criticize everything about him. A wife does not have the right to point out her husbandís shortcomings. How would you feel if your husband constantly tried to change you and point out your faults? Best friends don't pick, pick, pick at each other.
3. Accept everything he has to say without judgment. You may not agree with him but you donít have to turn everything into a debate in an attempt to change his mind. Let him have his own thoughts and attitudes.
4. Keep his secrets. When he reveals private thoughts, donít share them with anyone. Not your best gal pal, your mother nor a stranger in a waiting room. Retain his dignity.
5. Help him feel good about himself. One of the most basic human needs is to feel significant. He needs to know that he is something in your eyes. He feels good about himself when he can make you feel better, laugh, safe, happy, contented. Best pals help bolster each other's self-esteem.
6. Bond with him. Great bonding activities include *sex*, exercise and striving toward a joint goal. Making it through tough times together shows you can count on each other.
7. Have fun with him. Best friends play together and let down their guard to be kids again. Try something new and unexpected and see what happens.
8. Watch his back. Donít let anyone put him down whether he is present or not. Men prize loyalty above all traits in a friend.
9. Be honest. Donít lie to your husband so he knows he can rely on what comes out of your mouth. It goes back to loyalty.
10. Never use any information he shares with you against him. Even if it would give your next argument great ammunition, donít throw things back into his face that would shame him or hurt him in any way. Never belittle him. He should be able to trust that his best friend/wife would be the one person on earth who wouldn't hurt him.
Caring versus controlling
There is a difference between caring for your mate and controlling him. There are many reasons for wanting to control our mates, and a good reason is to protect him from his own reckless ways. But even if caring is the underlying motivation, youíll never be your husbandís best friend if you attempt to control him.
A wife worries and frets. ďYou have to stop smoking! And donít drink another bottle of beer.Ē While a best friend will say, ďHere, I have a light for you. And Iíll get another round.Ē
Wives around the world will assail me for such thinking because any loving wife *will* care that her husband is harming his body with smoking and drinking or any other of the myriad ways a man can shorten his life. It just doesnít sound wise to sit by and enable a husband to do irresponsible things! But I say that a husband, like any other man, has the free will to make his own decisions about how he will spend his short life on earth. He may not wish to live until he is 100 if he must live like a monk. Surely, unhappiness and marital strife are just as damaging to a manís health as are smoking and drinking. And letís not forget that, when all is said and done, what determines a personís lifespan still remains in the realm of Divine Providence. Heard of 90-year-old smokers or the 20-something health nut that died from cancer or a car accident?
It took me years to come to the realization that Iíd much rather be my husbandís lover and best friend rather than his ďold ball and chain," personal food police, AA sponsor, health trainer or surrogate mother. He was more motivated to change his bad habits with a best friend and cheerleader by his side (me) than a nag. We go to the gym together and pick out healthy places to eat. No, he hasn't changed *all* of his bad habits, but Iíve never been happier because our love and respect for each other is deeper than ever thought possible. I think he began to love me even more once he experienced that I loved and accepted him unconditionally. And he tells me often that Iím not only the love of his life but his very best friend.