A few years ago I was out to lunch with a group of co-workers. Some of us were talking about a show we had seen which featured Drs. Jennifer and Laura Berman. These two women, Jennifer an urologist, and Laura, a psychologist who specializes in sex education, are pioneers in openly discussing female sexuality. The word “clitoris” was mentioned.

One of the women present, Anne, a woman in her sixties, asked what the word meant. She wasn’t joking. It was obvious that, not only had she not known what the term meant; she also had no idea that she even had a clitoris.

In our group was a nurse who explained to her exactly what a clitoris is, where it is located, and its function as an erogenous zone. She then went on to recommend several books on female sexuality. Anne, her face red, said that wasn’t necessary; she didn’t want the books, she didn’t even want to know about the clitoris and was sorry she had asked. She said the word clitoris in hushed tones as if it were a four letter word. As a mother of five, she said, she felt she didn’t need any literature.

A mother of five who had never had an orgasm and didn’t know what a clitoris was.

We live in a sophisticated world where those of us lucky to be familiar with our bodies, are shocked that someone doesn’t know the areas of the body associated with sexual pleasure. That any woman wouldn’t know her erogenous zones, or the terminology for them, seems almost unbelievable. Add to that the fact that some women are embarrassed to even say the words that are associated with the female and male anatomy is sad.

But there are many women who, for one reason or another, are not on intimate terms with their own bodies.

Perhaps one of the most powerful reasons for a female literally being kept in the dark about her pleasure zones came from religious beliefs. In erroneous attitudes, dating back to patriarchal religions, women, unlike men, were unable to explore their sexuality due to the fact that sex might make them “wanton and uncontrollable.” Words like sin, harlot, whore, and damnation, pretty much kept women from any desire to self explore. Because of these attitudes and beliefs, many women went through their entire marriage having sex but receiving no pleasure. Too many women never experienced orgasm. Why? They did not know where there erogenous zones were nor what should be done to stimulate them.

Unlike the male sex organs, which are viewable outside the body, the female organs are basically hidden. Men do not need to search for their areas of pleasure, but, due to anatomical differences, women do. Many don’t search because of embarrassment and shame brought about through old societal views concerning women and sexuality. Masturbation was denounced as a sin and a perversion, by religion, the medical establishment, society, and family as short a time ago as the nineteen fifties. This denouncement was mostly aimed towards women. The male animal was considered to be unable to control his need for sexual satisfaction, and while masturbation was spoken of as sinful for him also, it was not stressed as strongly as it was for females.

Many women were told that their husbands would “teach” them about sex after marriage. A woman was fortunate if her husband knew enough about the female anatomy to be able to give her pleasure, but most times this was not the case. Unless he was taught about the female erogenous zones, a husband knew as little about women’s sexuality as his wife did. Add to this the “expert” teaching of doctors and clergy that “women do not crave sex as a man does” along with the message that only “women of ill repute” actually liked sex, and a sexually curious woman didn’t stand a chance.

There is no reason for any woman not to know about her own body. Sex should not be considered “dirty” or “sinful.” It is a normal and healthy function of life.

There are many books on the market that can enlighten women about their bodies. I suggest any books written by Jennifer and Laura Berman, since they are written in a straight-forward manner that helps women help themselves. I would also suggest that you read any book first and then give it to your husband to read. Discuss it together.

Our bodies are a work of perfection but unfortunately, they don’t come with an owner’s manual. Learn the correct terminology for your sexual parts and where they are located. If your husband doesn’t know, show him!

Words like clitoris, vulva, vagina, and labia need not be a reason for embarrassment any more than penis, testicles, or scrotum. These are parts of our bodies and wonderful parts they are! How to use them for pleasure is your right. Healthy sexuality equals a healthy body and mind.

Sacred Jude in my Life, Miracles Abound!!