The first thing to remember is that dreams speak symbolic language so that ex that is making a perhaps not so welcomed guest appearance in your dream is actually a symbol for something else, something the ex represents. It is your job to try and decipher what that something else is. Below are some possible clues.
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
That's what the song tells us anyway and for the most part, it's true. If you have recently broken up with your significant other, dreams of the person may not be quite so symbolic. After a break-up your emotions and psyche are tender and in need of healing and care. Part of the way the psyche heals itself is through dreaming. Dreams may express some of the pain one is feeling over the break-up.
Wish Fulfillment
Alternatively, dreams of the wish-fulfillment variety may appear. In these dreams you may see yourself and your ex getting along, or having joyful experiences together. The theory of wish-fulfillment dreams is that the psyche compensates for what it is not experiencing in waking life through dreams.
If you are having these types of dreams, it is important to view them from a neutral space. Many times people having these kinds of dreams believe them to be prophecies or omens that things are going to change or work out somehow. It is important to remember that dreams are very rarely prophetic and as much as we may want things to work out, dreaming that the relationship has returned is not necessarily an omen that that is what will happen in waking life.
Think Beyond the Person
Since dreams speak symbolic language, it is important to think past the actual person who is appearing in the dream. Try to think about what the person symbolized as opposed to the relationship you had with him. For example, if your ex was a doctor, he may be standing in as a symbol of healing - even if the relationship itself was anything but!
Circumstances and Surroundings
It is not uncommon for dreams to reach into the past to make a point about the present. See if a past situation feels similar to one occurring now. Try to think back to what was occurring in your life at the time you and your ex were together. Is there some specific circumstance that stands out in your mind when you think of your ex? Was the time that you were with him have some special meaning in your mind? See if any of those old emotions and associations are relevant today.
Look at the dream surroundings as well. Are you in the place where you were when you were with your ex? For example, if you lived in a house in Tampa, are you in that house in the dream or are you somewhere else? Looking at the surroundings can give clues to what the ex symbolizes for you.
Actions and Emotions
Analyze what the ex is doing in the dream and your emotions that you feel toward the ex in the dream. Sometimes even exes with whom we had terrible relationships show up in dreams that leave us feeling great upon waking. This can mean that one has gained closure regarding the relationship. It may also mean uniting with what the ex represented. For example, let's say that your ex was an artist. Let's say that you, too, were an artist but you always felt your work was inferior to your ex's. Dreaming of happily uniting with your ex might symbolize the recognition and valuing of your own artistic talents.
People are often disturbed when exes show up in dreams but looking at them through a symbolic lens should not only help ease your mind, but help you to find meaning in the dream.
As always, sleep well and dream out loud!
*~Aisling Ireland~* is an ordained Spiritual Counselor providing dream interpretation and Tarot readings. To make an appointment check out her website at: web.mac.com/aisling.ireland
