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BellaOnline's Marriage Editor

Venting to Your Husband

Venting is supposed to be a healthy habit, but it isnít so healthy for a marriage. Itís good to be present for each other during lifeís tougher moments but any husband can wither away having to hear chronic complaints, anger, and negativity.

Why venting to your husband isnít always a good idea
1. Men are fixers. He canít listen to you go on about what is upsetting you without wanting to do something to fix it. Hearing your problems only frustrates or angers him.
2. Men are heroes. You canít rant about your mother, sister or Uncle Joe who makes snide remarks about your weight without your mate wanting to rush to your defense. You may get over it, but he wonít. He will never forget who hurt his woman. And that makes it hard for him to develop close ties with your family.
3. Men are human. He canít help but absorb some of your negative energy as he listens to all of the angst. You might feel better to unload your emotional burdens, but youíre loading them upon him! Heíll be left holding your bag of issues.
4. Men arenít women. He canít respond in the way you need him to. Women tend to over-think problems and situations. Men donít get why we need to analyze, examine, and talk out our thoughts or how a different mood can change everything. A man will offer a pat answer when, as any woman knows, a problem comes with many nuances to be considered. He doesnít get that. A man wants to slap a solution on the table and move on. A woman will want to know the details, and sheíll listen intently for every one of them.
5. Men stop listening when they lose interest. He can pay attention for only so long and then the stream of words pouring from your mouth begins to sound like blah, blah, blah. And when you recognize that he hasnít been listening, you feel devalued.

If you love him, youíll spare him
While itís good for your husband to know how youíre feeling, he doesnít have to be in on your every waking thought. He isnít Ďdisconnectedí if he allows your moods to pass without comment. Considering you may have countless little dramas that are not life-or-death crises, itís okay to let him sit out one or two of them and it doesnít mean he loves you any less. If you want feedback, turn to a trusted friend or close relative.

Iíve learned how to vent differently and through other outlets. Today, I journal more or write letters that get crumpled up and thrown away when my nasty mood passes. Better yet, I try to refocus my energy onto more positive things and lose the desire to vent at all. That alone has done wonders for my marriage.

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