The following email excerpts are from one of my readers, Bill Meyer. Bill had been feeding his outdoor cats and wild raccoons when one day the youngest raccoon he had been befriending lightly nipped his hand. Bill wrote to me and asked questions about raccoon bites. We talked about diseases and parasites raccoons can carry - rabies, distemper, Baylisascaris Procyonis. While his email updates to me are humorous, please always keep in mind that you should not play with wildlife and any animal bite is a serious matter for which you should seek medical attention.

March 17… WELL, I've reduced the amount of time I spend out with the raccoon... It's a competition out there, for the cats... They have to finish eating before the raccoon does, or he uses his fanny to push them out of the way so HE can eat their food. The other, huge raccoons are not used to humans so they stay away until I go back into the house. They are too fat so I've started to stay outside longer than I used to and make sure that the cats eat their fill so the FAT raccoons have only a small amount available to them. (It's Bill's Jenny Craig Weight Watchers Raccoon diet. I also put tiny barbells on the porch, (raccoon size), and I keep telling the raccoons that they need to exercise by lifting the barbells. So far they aren't going for it.) I'll write you an update when the raccoons reach their diet goal. I plan on taking them out to dinner and a movie once they've succeeded.

PS: I sat and talked to the raccoons about their distemper, and explained to them that they needed to settle down and learn to control their tempers. They didn't seem to listen though, since my back door deadbolt has been shaken off the door...

March 20 … I thought you might like to know that over the weekend I bought some new stuff for the raccoons. Now my back porch has 5 tiny little treadmills - to go with the barbells.

I also got them some nice raccoon jogging outfits (color-coordinated to match the rings on their raccoon tails) and some raccoon headbands, but the raccoons didn't seem to be interested in this stuff. They ate most of it within the first few minutes and threw the rest at me when I went outside to check on them. I had never heard a raccoon laugh before tonight…actually, it was more like a cackle.

May 8… The raccoon bit me again the other day. I heard the cats harassing him, so I went out to shut them all up and give them fresh food and water. (This was about 4 in the morning). Well, the raccoon apparently was in some kind of a 'fight or flight' frenzy due to the cats clawing at him, so he bit me, apparently not realizing it was ME and NOT A CAT. He stood up and bit into my right hand.

I've had 11 rabies shots so far, but only have 2 to go. (At least THIS way, I'll be immunized and will only need a measly TWO shots if I'm ever bitten again.) I told the raccoon that I'm holding a grudge until the bite marks go away.

May 12… The raccoon is fine, and still tugs on my jeans when I go out to feed the cats. "Feed me!" he'd be saying if he could talk. So, he still gets fed, although I make sure he isn't in a bad mood before I put his food down. It's my little back porch of horrors -- the raccoon has invited all of his relatives to feast on my back porch. It's a raccoon block party out there. I wouldn't mind this so much if they didn't have that huge boom box. They have it cranked up so loudly, I think the neighbors are going to complain.

Further news updates as events warrant. ~Bill