Today I write in honor of all moms who have lost their precious children. I write to remember your pain and your grief and your forever sadness. I share these things with you; we are bound together in a world as changing and as unbearable as we could ever imagine. We live with our unspoken anguish and longing for our deceased children and we soldier on for the living.
Iíve never been a woman who wants any particular recognition on Motherís Day. The sweet homemade cards and trinkets made by the girls while at school are extra special and were the highlight of the day. We would always spend a few extra minutes sitting on our bed reading the cards and oohing and aahing over the fine craftsmanship of the food colored pasta necklace or the tissue paper flower or a hand painted pot. A day hanging out with my family and going about business as usual is my ideal Motherís Day. I would try to take a moment or two to acknowledge myself and to feel gratitude for the role Iíve been given. Otherwise, for me itís a Hallmark day, outside of the proud moments of the girlsí artwork.
This will be the second Motherís Day to pass since my daughter died. The first one, I didnít know what to do and I didnít know what to tell other people to do. I truly wanted the day to pass without notice; to make it as ďnormalĒ a Sunday as could possibly be under the circumstances. Of course, there had to be some recognition of the day for my living child. Otherwise, please donít bring it up. I thought that by ignoring the day it wouldnít hurt so much.
This year, this Motherís Day, I ask of you this: Remember the bereaved mothers today whose lives have been shattered, never to return to their original state. Remember them for their grace and dignity and strength. Know that each and every moment of every day is a grueling passage of time that stings with each tear. Know that the tears are always present on the inside even though they donít show them to you on the outside. Know that they long for their children desperately and that they would give anything to have them back. Remember they are trying to do their best, to carry on for the living children and still be mom for them. Recognize their lost children and say their names. Hold their hands and let them weep silently. Look them in the eye and tell them how amazing they are. Do an act of kindness in the name of their child. Realize they live only to die and see their child again. And know that they will never ever get over it.
A website has been established in our daughter's name. Please click here for more information about our mission.
FriendsofAine.com - Aine Marie Phillips
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