Star Jones Reynolds is an AOL Love Coach, author of the motivational
book "Shine: A Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love," and co-host of the Emmy nominated ABC Talk Show "The
Although sheís achieved a lot, Star is humble. Her sense of humor and southern hospitality comes across when you talk to her. Although it was
an interview, it felt more like a sister talking to a sisteróyou know the kind Iím talking aboutówhen you meet someone out at the beauty shop and you
end up having a real good conversation about life in general.
I highly recommend Star Jones Reynolds' latest book Shine: A Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love. Sometimes knowing someone overcame certain obstacles is all you need to jumpstart you in that area. There is something in the book for everyone. By the time you finish reading Shine, you will have done some self-evaluation. There are exercises throughout the book that are meant to make you think. One of
my favorites is the ďideal mate list.Ē Another thing I like are the ďAbsolutesĒ which are like affirmations that are spread throughout Shine.
Shelia Goss: Although you're in the public eye
already, was it hard opening yourself up to write a
Star Jones Reynolds: One of the dedications in
Shine speaks to making yourself vulnerable. I really
attribute that to my husband. He convinced me that
being vulnerable in print was not a sign of weakness,
instead it was a sign of strength and you grow with
every new experience. I think in some ways it was
cathartic for me because it really meant that I had
I think it has helped other people. So many women
out there who think their own struggles (physical,
emotional, spiritual, financial, or professional) are
isolated and the sense youíre by yourself can be
depressing; especially when you think their is nobody
there that understands.
When in reality thatís not true. You have sisters
across the country and the world who face similar
On paper, to look at me three years ago, everybody
would have said, "she has it going on", but what they
didnít know is that I was struggling internally
physically, emotionally and spiritually and I didnít
know how to get myself out of it. I had to seek help
in every area. Thereís no shame in seeking help. The
shame is in hiding it. The moment I started seeking
help on this journey of self improvement, my life
started opening up.
Shelia: What motivated you to write Shine?
Star: My story is a back drop for other women
to find their story. It is not a memoir, because I say 90
percent of the book is of how I learned from my
mistakes. Iím on this journey to shine and if you want
to come with meóletís do it together.
When you read Shine, you immediately take time to
self assess. You immediately look at yourself and
say, ďHmm what part of this book is speaking to me?Ē
If you know youíre having real credit issues and
youíre unable to get out of it, then that part speaks
to you. If you know that youíre been that strong
independent woman and youíve always said, ďI donít
need a man;Ē ďI donít want a man, what are you
talking about,Ē but in reality the little girl in you goes
home and youíre alone and you realize success is
nothing without someone you love to share it with,
that part of the book is going to speak to you. If
youíve lost your way spiritually and you realize that
you can seek comfort with a relationship with God,
that part of the book is going to speak to you. And
that was my goal. I wanted every woman to find a
part of the book that spoke directly to them.
Shelia: What is your role as an AOL Love Coach?
Star: As an AOL Love Coach, what I actually
end up doing is challenging you to look at your own
relationship. I donít tell you what will work for you. I
let you figure it out. When you read through my
workshops, you realize and figure out whatís going to
work for you. I kept screwing it up. I kept making the
same mistake over and over again. I kept accepting
things that I knew I deserved better from. As AOL
Love Coach Iím good at it, because I recognize those
things in my self. What I never want to do is be
known as an expert on relationships and marriageó
thatís not what I am. But in terms of falling in love
and knowing what youíre worth and knowing youíre
worth everything, I got that down to a science.
Shelia: What are some things single women can
do to prepare themselves for Mr. Right?
Star: First of all, prepare YOURSELF. Make sure
that you have everything you want and you show it.
So if you want somebody in good health, you got to
be in good health. If you want to have one of these
real handsome Denzel Washington types, you got to
Often times Valentineís Day is very depressing
for a single woman. If youíre not with somebody, you
can get depressed. I suggest that you use this
Valentineís Day as a ďIím in love with me
Figure out what it is you can do to prove your love
for yourself. If it means to work on your health that
dayómake your first doctors appointment. If it
means to work on your looks because youíre datedó
go and work with a personal shopper at one of your
favorite department stores. If it means you need to
change your make-up because you donít know how
to apply itótake a lesson at the MAC counter. If it
means emotionally youíve been going down, go and
sit in on a class where other women are discussing
whatís going on. If it means youíve lost your way
spiritually, join bible study. Whatever it is that you
have felt prohibited you from self loveótake that
dayóthe 14th as ďIím in love with me day.Ē
Shelia: What are some things women should not
tolerate when dating?
Star: You should never tolerate anybody being
mean (Iím not speaking of being mean to you because
thatís clear). That means not talking mean to people
around you. One of the big tests: Are you kind to
people who provide service to you? If you go out on
a date, and your date is not nice to the man or
woman who brings your meal, thatís a bad sign. Donít
ever put up with that because heís putting on his
best behavior to be with you and if his best behavior
allows him to be mean or nasty then thatís not a
I also donít put up with people who donít have a
sense of values. I believe very strongly that you
need to be equally yoked.
My husband and I like a lot of the same things
and we enjoy spending time with each other. Which
brings me to the other thing, if you donít enjoy
spending time with them, why waste your time.
Shelia: Can men and women really be "just
Star: Yes, I have a lot of male friends who are
just my buddies and my husband has a lot of female
friends who are just his buddies. Actually I write
about that in Shine. It was a big deal to me to be
able to go talk to his female friends and not the ones
he dated, but the ones he was just friends withó
thatís how you really grade.
Shelia: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Star: You know I do (smile). I met Al. I looked
into his eyes and the next thing you know I was
madly in love. Thank God he felt the same way.
Shelia: What's the most romantic thing Al has
ever done for you?
Star: On our first anniversary, I got the
presents and the spa day and all of that was over
the top, but Al planned the entire weekend himself.
And it started with rose petals. I thought to myself
that this is the kind of man I want for the long run.
Someone who was thoughtful enough to identify
what will make me happy and then do itójust
because it would make me happy. Thatís what
romance is about.
Shelia: What advice would you give someone
looking for real love?
Star: Self love is the first step. Donít try to
change that person that youíre in love with. People
come to you as whole human beingsólove the whole
Shelia: Do you have any advice to spice up a
relationship that's gone a little stale?
Star: Well you know Iím a newlywed so Iím not
the expert on that (LOL=laughing out loud), but I
would say that one way to keep spice in your
relationship is to always keep them guessing. My
husband likes the fact I switch it up. Donít let them
get so complacent that they expect you to be a
Thank you Star for the interview. You're an
encouragement for women everywhere.
Star Jones Reynolds is still on book tour, so take a look here to see when sheíll be in your town.