Here in the US it is almost time for us to celebrate the holiday Thanksgiving, and around the world people will soon be entering into the holiday season of Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa (and probably a few others). Most will give thanks on these holidays, too – thinking of the blessings we have received throughout the year.

We will think of the good things that have happened this year and give thanks for them. My husband received an unexpected raise last year. My oldest son, despite having Asperger’s Syndrome, was inducted into the Beta Club at school. My mother-in-law reached her 5 year mark for being cancer free after having a mastectomy for breast cancer.

Some of you have had babies, some got married, and some fell in love.

All of those are reasons to be thankful.

But that is the easy part, being thankful during the good times. How many of us are thankful during the bad times? More specifically, how many of us are thankful for the bad times?

I’m not just talking about telling yourself, “It could be worse”, or “There is someone in a worse situation, so I should be thankful for what I have.” Although both of these thoughts do have merit, this is not actually being thankful, but more along the lines of consoling yourself. I am not saying these are bad thoughts, but that we can go one step further and actually be thankful for the things that hurt us.

I am not losing my mind or joking or being a complete PollyAnna about this either. It is possible to be in pain and be thankful or grateful at the same time. The simplest expression of this is “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.” I have also heard it likened to the mountaintop and the valley. Although we can see clearly on the mountaintop – not much grows up there. It is in the dark of the valley where the trees, flowers, and animals flourish. It is in the dark where things grow. It is in the dark where we are tested and strengthened.

When I was 18 I was a victim of date-rape. Over the years I have slowly moved from being a victim to acceptance of what happened. Although I will never say it was a good thing, I have been able to see that I was shaped by that experience. One major thing that I took away from that was that I can help other girls and women who have been through the same thing, if by no other way than to say, “You are not alone. I am here to listen.” That was enough for me. It didn’t change the hurt of what happened, but it made it bearable.

Then this past year someone very close to me was a victim of molestation.

Now I look back on my rape and I see a reason for it. I never once doubted her. I can hold this girl and fully understand the hurt and fear. I can see the things she is struggling to say and is scared to for fear she will not be loved. I do not judge her at all. Everything that I suffered after my rape, I am making sure she does not. I would not have understood any of this if I had not stood then where she is now. I am eternally grateful that it happened to me so I can be here for her.

Bad things hurt. They do not make sense. We may not be able to be thankful in the moment for the bad times. But during these weeks of Thanksgiving, think back through some of your worst moments and see what you gained from them. It may be wisdom, it may be a sense of humor, it may be a special person in your life.

Always be thankful, for the good and the bad.