To all women,

On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

• The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

• Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.

• When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

• When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

• If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

• If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

• If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

• I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

• Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.

• Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

• If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

• I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

• Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.

Thank you for your understanding,

All Men

~~ Author Unknown ~~

1. Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. You know stuff about tanks.

3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

4. You can open all your own jars.

5. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

6. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

7. You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.

8. You can leave the motel bed unmade.

9. You can kill your own food.

10. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

11. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

12. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

13. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

14. If you are 35 and single, nobody notices.

15. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

16. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

17. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

18. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

19. Same work...more pay.

20. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

21. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.

22. You don't mooch off other's desserts.

23. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

24. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

25. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

26. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

27. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

28. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

29. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

30. You don't have to shave below your neck.

31. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

33. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

34. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Singing Butler

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