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Code of Ethical Patient Behavior (joke)

1.Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and
requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.

2.Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement
with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific
objectivity.

3.Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.

4.Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe
that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your
illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have
experienced.

5.Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained
in terms that you would understand.

6.Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. You should consider it a
privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians,
health care managers and other humanitarians

7.Do not suffer from ailments not covered by your health care plan. It is
a waste of resources to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.

8.Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the
course of treatment by your doctor. The patient-doctor relationship is a
privileged one and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.

9.Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. This
will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment

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