Anyone who has ever lived in close proximity to a teenager for any length of time instinctively knows that adolescents think differently while they are progressing through the specific stages of their development. David Elkind identified the adolescent egocentrism through which adolescents pass by describing cognitive errors specific to the age group. These patterns stem from the fact that by middle adolescence (females: 13-16 years of age and males: 14-20 years of age) teens are able to comprehend abstract ideas and to utilize symbolic representation allowing them to understand things in a more adult manner, but many lack the real world experiences that give the abstract and the symbolic context. Thus, the following cognitive errors are common in our everyday dealings with teens.

An Imaginary Audience
Everybody else has an iPod [cell phone, Tommy purse, new car…insert your favorite materialistic fad of the day here]. If I don’t have one, they’ll all think I’m a loser!”

Because adolescents during this stage have the capacity to think about thinking…they also think about what others are thinking. Thus, to them, it seems that EVERYBODY is watching them and actually cares what they are doing, saying, wearing, etc. This shift in perspective gives rise to the imaginary audience. The They that is always in attendance ready to criticize, make fun of, and single your adolescent out. This particular cognitive error may be part of the explanation as to why adolescents feel an acute need for privacy and a heightened sense of self-consciousness.

Parents can best survive this trial by accentuating the positive opportunities that can arise by a potentially embarrassing moment. Provide examples appropriate coping mechanisms that could help if the situation in question were to happen again. Cast it in the sense of a “do over”. If you had the chance to do that over, what would you do differently next time? Reaffirm your unconditional love, whether your teen seems interested in accepting it or not.

The Personal Fable
No one understands what I’m going through!

According to adolescents during this period of development, they are unique. The problems they face, the situations they encounter, the conflicts they endure have NEVER been faced by anyone else ever. In this stage, teens are attempting to sort out what is uniquely theirs and what things they have in common with others. They often go through periods thinking that they are the only ones who have ever felt this way. It’s a particularly tricky type of self-isolating behavior that many parents inadvertently make worse by attempting to be comforting, saying things like “I understand how you feel.” Oops, wrong answer!

Instead, attempt to get your teen thinking about a proactive solution to the situation. Remind him or her that s/he is responsible for his or her own actions…that includes solutions and resolutions.

Psuedostupidity
If Sara doesn’t want that reputation, then why doesn’t she stop hanging out with that crowd?”

Psuedostupidity takes many forms in the adolescent world. In one of its aspects, teens, who now have the developmental capacity to juggle multiple options in their minds, tend to make things more complicated than they need to be. This takes the outward appearance of being indecisive, lazy, or uninterested. In another or its forms, teens can opt to oversimplify complex situations by not grasping all of the nuances related to the scenario at hand.

You can address this cognitive error by gently walking through scenarios with your teen to show him or her other variables that might be involved. You can also help to analyze tasks and situations – breaking them into smaller parts – to help them move through a task instead of being paralyzed by it.

Hypocrisy
My teacher talks about the golden rule in the classroom, but you should hear her talking about Mr. Cassel out in the hallway!

Teens are pros at identifying hypocritical behavior in others. However, this same scrutiny apparently does not apply to them. The developmental stage of being able to identify with others, seems to blur their own accurate perception of themselves. This can be a difficult thing for parents who insist on parameters for their teens, but do not follow those same parameters themselves.

Perhaps, having that realization that we all have hypocritical tendencies is a place to begin. In instances such as these, we need to understand the difference being rationalizing our behavior and explaining it. When in doubt, explain, then apologize. This will serve as a model for your adolescent.