How important is empathy in the world today? Take a look at the “bad news” headlines on any newspaper or online news source. You see murders, civil conflict within countries, drug arrests, ugly celebrity divorces, and more. It’s not realistic to think that the world will ever be without problems. However, an individual person’s natural struggle between being self absorbed and being empathetic can make a huge difference.

In a perfect world, humans would be programmed to be empathetic during certain conditions. Or, people could flip a “manual empathy” switch if the automatic system wasn’t functioning. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way. Empathy, like all character traits, must be experienced to be learned. It is important not only to show empathy to others, but to have empathy shown to you. Being on the receiving end is very important. In order to understand why you would do it to others, you need to experience the benefits yourself.

So what does this have to do with your kids? Your little ones learn from you as the parents and each other as peers. There are millions of moments every day when your kids decide to be selfish or empathetic. Every teaching opportunity you have is golden. It layers their learning experiences in a way that deeply develops their personal character. The mind is far more flexible as a youth than it is as an adult. A person who develops good character throughout childhood will likely have solid character as an adult. However, if a person develops many self centered patterns and attitudes into adulthood, it is very difficult to teach empathy at that point.

Think of some common regular opportunities where your kids would struggle with empathy and self-focus. Some examples could include the following: one sick sibling needing more attention, getting chores done in a timely manner, sharing toys, someone being bullied in front of them, having new kids in their school classroom, birthday parties. You may come up with some other situations, but this list can give you some starter ideas.

The struggle between empathy and selfishness often shows itself as conflict. Conflicts are observed every day by parents! Since they are predictable, you can come up with a few simple ways to introduce empathy into those situations. For example, when one child is sick, dress up your other kids as doctors or nurses. They will have fun with their imagination, but they will also be truly helpful to their sibling. If this isn’t possible because of contagiousness, have them do the sick child’s chores or clean the sick child’s room. This can emphasize a “family team” attitude, and they can count on similar help when they are sick.

Another idea is to have a “share or lose it” kind of policy if your kids are fighting over toys. They must learn to think of their siblings wants along with their own, or nobody gets the toy. Another idea could be picking a charity or local volunteer organization. When you regularly donate items or time to these groups, remind your children about why you are doing it. They may only be thinking of what they are losing at first. But when you plant the seed about others being in more need than you, they can get a good feeling from the experience. They can learn to value of being helpful to others rather than having all the goodies to themselves.

For situations like bullying or meeting new kids, you can have them act out different situations with each other. They may giggle at first, but even a little bit of practice can help them reach out to someone needing a helping hand. Showing gratitude on a daily basis is also very useful for teaching empathy. You can talk about times when others have been empathetic and helpful to your family. This reinforces the experience of being on the “other side” of empathy.

Teaching character traits can seem like a difficult process. However, when you break it down into daily experiences it is really quite simple. Focusing on empathy can certainly make you a more empathetic role model as well.