Every mom who’s ever had a newborn can tell you about their baby’s personality pretty early in life. Babies can be hard to soothe, always happy, easy going no matter what is going on, and so on. Kids certainly do change as they grow, but their basic temperaments are pretty stable over time. It’s like getting a new computer with software installed that you didn’t choose (and that you can’t remove!). And when you have more than one of these different temperaments to deal with on a daily basis, it can make any mother's head spin.

Temperament is a word used to describe the basic building blocks of personality. Personality is an inborn force that drives each person through their day. Consider the following example – There are some common basic parts that every car must have, such as tires, steering wheels, and an engine. However, the style of tires, the height of the steering wheel, and the power of the engine will make each car unique.

Over 50 years ago, Drs Alexander Thomas, Stella Chess, and Herbert Birch did research to identify nine temperament characteristics found in every person. These are also sometimes called personality “traits.” Each trait is generally described by the amount a person has within them (anywhere from low to high). None of these characteristics are good or bad, they just “are.” Certain combinations can be seen as easier or harder to get along with. These temperament traits do not so much describe why a person does certain things. Remember, everyone still has free will. They do help to explain how a person uses information, how they make choices, and how they will react to different situations. Take a look at the nine traits listed below. Read through the list a separate time for each of your children, and write notes.

Activity level – Is the child active and busy from morning until night, or does he prefer a more relaxed pace through the day?

Adaptability – Does the child adjust well to changes as they happen, or does he need more preparation to make a transition go smoothly?

Approach/withdrawal – When there are new things, does the child embrace them or stand back and take her time?

Distractibility – Does the child easily get distracted when something catches his attention? Or can he pay attention for longer stretches of time?

Intensity – Is the child loud and energetic, or is she calmer with less extreme expression of emotion?

Persistence – Does the child keep pushing until he finishes something or gets what he wants, or does he change tasks more easily?

Mood – Is the child generally more serious or happy-go-lucky?

Regularity – Does she like to have a predictable schedule every day, or does her sleep and hunger schedule change from day to day?

Sensory Threshold – Does the child seem sensitive to lights, tastes, texture and the feel of things on her skin, or does she thrive with lots going on all around her?

It is certainly challenging enough to spend time trying to discover what one child's personality is all about. Having more than one with vastly different personality traits can make it confusing and frustrating to know what to do sometimes. The intensity and frequency of "clashes" and can make parents with two or three children feel like they have eight or nine children some days! Despite the feeling of being a police officer in your own home, it is possible to avoid the conflicts taking over your home. It does require some patience and learning, but it is certainly possible. The main key is to learn to balance responding to each child's different needs and to everyone as a general group.

The benefit of understanding temperament is that you can also see how certain tratis can be real assets to channel. It is truly rewarding when you can help the strengths of one child benefit another. It can also take the edge off the conflicts between them! Most of all, you can better appreciate your kids for the amazing individuals they are.