Guest Written by Susan Kramer (Meditation Editor at BellaOnline)
Coming together and marrying in middle age brings its own set of issues that may not seem important to those below 40 or 50. I found that mainly priorities are different. I am Susan Helene Kramer, the BellaOnline Meditation editor and would like to share my story.
When my husband and I got married, both at age 54, you'd think that was a little old to plan on kids, but with each successive generation living longer, the child bearing years are extending even into the mid 50s; they say 55 is the new 40.
Given that, my husband and I decided not to create a new baby in our marriage, even though technically we could have. I already had several grown kids and my husband had never felt a pull to have kids, so wanted to remain childfree.
That's not to say we don't enjoy emailing the existing kids and grandkids, and visiting them and all our nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles.
But, we decided the emphasis on our marriage would be exploring spirituality and sharing our insights through our web sites. In fact, I found my husband over the internet, and not through a matchmaking service. I was doing a search on the term practical spirituality and his site came up.
I initiated contact and before you know it we were writing back and forth all through the day, and 3 months later we got engaged, and a year later married. For me it meant doing early retirement and moving from Santa Barbara to Amsterdam. Lots of changes including a new language.
For us, this middle age no kids marriage, has given us the time to focus on our reasons for treading the planet. We spend our free time on our hobbies and writing spiritual and educational articles that we're told help others. We have a very full and satisfying life, and feel like we both take from and give to the world in a way that gives meaning to our marriage and our life on earth.
While walking right on the outside border of the childbearing years I feel we made the right choice for us by considering our lifetime goals and balancing them with our level of energy. For example, we have recently written a book together for children, that is being integrated into the Dutch library system.
I think couples marrying in middle age should seriously consider their goals and energy level at this time of life before jumping into creating a baby between them.