I am often asked the question ‘’how do I break negative relationship patterns?’’ An important factor to remember in finding a relationship that is right for you is to try breaking many of the old habits you use when selecting a potential mate.
Often we go into a new partnership with assumptions that don’t apply to our new mate. We put men into roles from our past – either good or bad roles – that make it difficult for us to see them for whom they really are. We then find ourselves stuck in a pattern. We may be drawn to a man’s looks, attitude to life, or our need for attention; while never actually admitting that we ourselves are using superficial reasons for making a connection. This can blind you to other faults that may be just under the surface of your potential mate’s character.
When looking for that special someone, it is important to take time getting to know him before you commit yourself to a relationship. Here are a few things you can do that may help you in selecting your next partner:
Stop Judging Yourself Harshly:
When you are looking for ‘’Mr. Right’’ and keep missing the mark, stop being so hard on yourself. Try to feel more comfortable with taking your time. Be okay with the fact that you haven’t found the right man just yet. Take the time to get to know your patterns and look at the type of men you are attracted to in an honest, non-judgmental way. Learn to trust your instincts.
Hold Onto Your Power:
If you tend to give your power away to a man you wish to have a relationship with; it is time you learn to value yourself above all else. Giving others control over how you feel about yourself makes it easier to repeat the same mistake over again. And don’t worry about what others may think simply because you are single and dating. Rushing into a relationship because you do not want to be alone is a sure way to find “Mr. Wrong.’’ Trust that you will find the right person when the time is right.
What Are Your Expectations?
If you feel that you keep being disappointed with the men you are seeing, take a step back from the situation and look at your ‘’list’’ of expectations. Are they too low? Or, are they too high? Take an honest look at where you are in your life right now. Is there room for another person at this moment? Would spending time with friends be a better option for now? Or, are you prepared to commit to a full-time partnership?
Consider Looking ‘’Outside’’ Your Comfort Zone:
Many women are stuck in a pattern when if comes to the type of men they actively pursue. They seldom stray from their ‘’comfort zone’’ and often get stuck in the ‘’dating the wrong guy’’ rut. This can be counter-productive and cause many women to lose faith in themselves and the men they want to meet.
Open your dating-world to the possibility of meeting different types of men. Try going to events that you have some interests in, but have never experienced. If you have always preferred men who look a certain way, try dating someone based on something you like about their personality or character instead.
Internet dating is another option. While online dating sites have lost some of their social stigma, they still may seem a bit too impersonal for some. However, they can offer a way of getting to know others without having to make a commitment until you are ready. But please remember that the Internet can also be tool used for deception. Always be careful when selecting a site. Do some research to make certain that they have a screening criterion that meets with your standards. Moreover, the ‘’anonymity’’ of being on an online dating site has its advantages and disadvantages. Approach the option of Online Dating with the same amount of care and caution that you would take when using any form of dating organization.
Remember, the better you know yourself first, the better your relationships will be. And you will have an easier time finding a man who is not only good to you, but good for you as well.