I'm always on the lookout for new or different books about miscarriage. In my experience, there just isn't a lot of information out there, so when I find something I haven't heard of before, I usually pounce on the opportunity to read it and let you know about it.
I found “A Guide For Fathers When a Baby Dies” by Tim Nelson. Not only had I never heard of it before but I like the fact that it was geared toward dads. Most of the literature that does exist on miscarriage or infant loss tends to be slanted towards mothers. While in most cases, they do process their grief differently, it would be unfair to assume that fathers are not also affected by these losses.
When I first picked up the book, I was a little concerned about its size. It's a small paperback with only 66 pages. But I need not have been concerned. Author, Tim Nelson packed a lot of information into those 66 pages.
I was drawn in immediately by words in his forward. He said “Be patient with yourself. Be patient with your partner. But do not run the other direction or try and hide. It doesn't work-I have already tried.”
He goes on to give practical advice about talking to other kids, going home and going back to work. In the going back to work section, he cautions dads against trying to “forget their grief” through busyness. I think this is very common among dads and even moms who have had a miscarriage or lost a baby. He also warns that people may say inconsiderate things because they're not really sure what to say. This is one of the things I found to be very true in my experience as well.
He also talks about anger, the possible benefit of support groups and communicating. The final several pages include A Father's Story. This is a story Mr. Nelson wrote shortly after his daughter was stillborn. He says he included it not only so people could read it but he said also “because I still have the need to tell it”. I found this last compelling because I feel that way too. Despite the course of several years, I still feel the need to talk and write about my experiences with miscarriage.
After his daughter was stillborn, Mr. Nelson went on to volunteer with the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center and helped found A Place To Remember which provides resources about pregnancy and infant loss.