Now that the New Year's parties are over, many people will make resolutions for 2010. These resolutions can involve weight loss, changing careers or spending more time with family. People all over the world are looking forward with hope for the new year.
Each person's resolution(s) will focus on his/her own life and situation. People who are divorcing or divorced face distinct challenges related to this life changing event. The following are some suggested resolutions.
1. STAY POSITIVE
Divorce is a very traumatic life changing event. It can leave you lonely and unsure of yourself. Negative feelings can sometimes be overwhelming. Try to focus on something positive each day. Perhaps it is something small or a positive long term goal. It can be something as simple as the fact that you are alive and have friends and family that love you.
2. DO NOT PERMIT YOUR DIVORCE TO MAKE YOU AN ANGRY OR VENGEFUL PERSON
This resolution is tied to being positive. If you think positive thoughts, you will not be overwhelmed by a desire to seek revenge. This can be easier said than done and is often a two step forward, one step back process. You must admit that sometimes you will fail, you are human and not perfect. The key is to keep trying. Rely on friends and family to help you. If you need professional help, seek counseling.
3. BE A GOOD PARENT AND SUPPORT YOUR SPOUSE OR EX-SPOUSE'S RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD OR CHILDREN.
Divorce is very difficult for the two people involved. It is also extremely difficult for the children. They are often not prepared for the various changes divorce can bring and even years later can still feel the effects. Therefore it is incumbent on the adults to provide security and support to the children. This includes ensuring your spouse or ex-spouse is able to spend time with the children.
Unless there is a situation involving abuse or addiction, a parent who wants to spend time with his/her child should have the right to do so. Playing games or using the children as a tool for revenge may hurt your spouse or ex-spouse, but more importantly it will cause your children pain. Remember that even though the marriage is over, the children still have two parents.
If you find yourself tempted to use the children or recognize that you are, try to stop this behavior. If you need professional support to help you, please seek that help. You can also seek the counsel of a close family member or friend who can also help you.
4. REVIEW YOUR FINANCES AND DEVELOP A BUDGET
Divorce usually changes the financial situation for both persons involved. It can be helpful to review your sources of revenue and your debts. Review your court order to ensure you are receiving all sources of revenue due to you. If not, try to speak with your spouse or ex-spouse to resolve the issues. This should always be done in writing. If you cannot work with spouse or ex-spouse, contact a lawyer to assist you.
STAY POSITIVE and FOCUSED when trying to achieve your resolutions. I wish everyone a healthy and happy 2010.