Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

“Oh mommy, she is soooo beautiful!” exclaimed my then, 7-year-old daughter as she told me about her new stepmother. I felt my heart plunge, my skin went hot, and I thought I might throw up. I felt like washing her mouth out with soap! Just as quickly I realized what was wrong with me. I was jealous. Was I jealous that she was married to my ex husband? Absolutely not!

I was jealous that this other woman was going to be in the lives of my girls! I had so many fears. She was younger, more physically fit; soon they would prefer her to me! I knew it! Fun, Beautiful, young, laughing, swimming, playing Step mom would charm them until they wanted to live with her full time and I would be without my girls, all alone. They wouldn’t even want to visit me she was so much better than I!

Those are the thoughts that went through my head in the late fall of 1999 when my ex husband remarried. Granted, he got married the moment the ink was dry on our divorce papers, and I had not had much time to deal with the reality. I had not had to share my children much with him so the thought of sharing them with another “beautiful” woman really scared me. In that moment my reality was that my girls were my entire life, and without them I had nothing. I had lost my home, my status, (as a field-grade officer’s wife), money, and now I was terrified I would lose my girls.

Looking back I am so grateful that I did not allow that fear to take hold of my life. Instead I looked honestly at myself and realized that these girls would grow up and I needed to establish my own life outside of them and their needs wants and desires. I took some steps to make myself a better, more rounded person and you can do it too.

1.I got a job- Before my realization I had trouble finding a job, but I refocused my efforts by going to a temporary agency. They put me to work immediately, not at the price I wanted, but it was still a job.

2.I started fixing myself up- I had got into the habit of not putting on make up unless it was a special occasion. I started putting on make up each morning when I got out of bed. Even if it was just some mascara and lip gloss it made me feel good.

3.I went back to school- I had given up my education in order to be a stay-at-home mom raising three children. I decided that I would go back to school. I enrolled in a community college and ended up being able to quit my temp job to work at the college.

4.I created a social life- I participated in my church, my college, and my community and with friends that I met outside of doing things for and with my children. It was hard but I made me a priority in my own life.

5.I did not date- I made a pact not to date for at least one year from the date my divorce was finalized. I ended up renewing that pact for several years until I graduated with my bachelors degree.

Ultimately I was so busy and had such a full life I forgot to be worried or jealous or scared. The girls visited their father and step mother as often as possible and at times I was truly happy they were visiting so that I could do my own thing without worrying about them.

My girls are now 21, 17, and 16 year sold. My youngest has no memory of saying that her step mom was beautiful, I’ve never brought it up, and neither has she. The thing is, I now think her step mom is beautiful too, at least on the inside. I’m very thankful that she’s around because I know that if anything ever happened to me they would still know a mother’s love.