Sometimes it can be hard to understand the concept of parental rights and responsibilities during and after a divorce. Something that was done naturally within the marriage now takes on an entirely different feeling.
But here you are, trying to deal with your children going to spend the night with HIM and you’re scared, nervous, worried, anxious, jealous, angry, everything all tied up into one bundle of nerves and emotions. How do you deal with it?
After a divorce the definition of parent does not change. You are still your child’s parent and so is your ex. Both of you have shared rights and responsibilities to the children just as you had in the marriage. Even if your divorce was acrimonious you can find a way to co-parent your children if you remember a few facts.
1.Children grow up.- Someday the children will be grown; they will be adults, looking back on their lives through adult eyes rather than the eyes of a child. Ask yourself; Do you want them to be proud of you, happy you were there for them, or do you want them to have untold issues that require years of counseling?
2.You can only control your own behavior.- It’s true, you can only control how you act in any given situation. You cannot make someone else do what you want him or her to do. When you do the right thing for the sake of your kids you are putting them first and you are setting an example to them on how to treat others, and how to treat you. Ask yourself; do I want to teach my children how to have self-control?
3.Children learn by example.- Children learn more by example than by any other factor. The old “do as I say, not as I do” line of crapolla doesn’t work with children. Show them the way, lead the way, demonstrate the way, and they will do as you do. Ask yourself: Is the example you're demonstrating how you want your children to behave?
4.Children can never have too much love.- I know it is hard and it is painful when your baby goes to His house with Her there, or He is getting “all the fun” with your child. I know, believe me, but try to love your children more than you hate your ex, try to put yourself in your child’s place and feel real joy that they are experiencing love and joy even without you. In fact, thank goodness they are! Ask yourself; Can your children experience too much love?
5.Children need Both Parents.- Children really do need both of their parents in their lives and even if the other parent isn’t cooperating you can do a lot to make this easier for yourself and your children by always talking highly (or not at all) about their other parent. Do not encourage, either by example or by allowing it, your children to talk bad about their other parent. Period. Ask yourself; Do you want your children at Dad’s going on about how you slept till 2 pm Sunday? Never mind that you had the flu, but you don’t want your child doing that to you, so don’t allow them to do that to the other parent. Trust me, if they tell you bad things about him, they’re telling him bad things about you. This is how children deal with their situation and their confused loyalties. Help them not be confused. Let them love their other parent freely.
By asking and honestly answering the questions above it can help you realize that parental rights and responsibilities go a lot farther than child support and visitation. With a little thought to your own actions you can make sure you do the right things for your children.
