Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

Both men and women are guilty of putting their best foot forward before marriage.

Even couples who live together first tend to put their best food forward during cohabitation, which is why living together before marriage actually increases your statistical chance to divorce.

In order to form a happy and lasting union you have to get to know yourself first.

The movie, Run-a-way Bride is a good example of a young woman who kept getting involved and almost marrying the wrong man. She was in love with being in love, and in a hurry to tie the knot, so much so that she never took out time to figure out what she wanted or needed.

Flitting from one man to the next, she became a chameleon who became whatever each man wanted, which is why she received so many proposals. She was a true, people pleaser, and did nothing to please herself. She didn’t even know what kind of eggs she liked. The reporter thought she was a man-eater, in reality; she just wanted to make people happy. She defines many women, and men who do not know who they are.

Date, don’t mate.

Dating is the time where you truly look honestly at a person to decide if they are really a person with whom you could spend your entire life. I know people who spend more time deciding on what to order for dinner at Burger King than they do on whom to marry. Dating is not the time to worry about if you are going to hurt someone's feelings by deciding they are not right for you. Often you will know this person is wrong for you in the first date. Go with that, and move on.

Stick to your list.

They are too nice, too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too controlling, too religious, not religious enough, divorced, children are brats, whatever, if it doesn’t fit your list, you should move on. Look at your list, and determine how many factors your ex met, probably not many. Your list of characteristics a life mate should have is a very important tool to moving on.

Be selfish and shallow

Dating is the one time in life where you can be selfish and shallow about with whom you spend your time. Once you are in a committed relationship, it is too late. When you are dating, you are essentially interviewing your potential mates. You should ask the right questions, and demonstrate the appropriate behavior that will get you the type of mate you want for life.

Be yourself!

If you hate camping, say so. If you love five star hotels, do not hold back. If you like to sleep all day on Saturdays, do not pretend to be an early bird for one who is. If you cannot cook, so be it. If you have any sort of sexual fetish, now is the time to bring it up. If you have six kids, well, don’t hide it. If your date cannot handle it, move on.

Take Your Time

None of this is going to happen in three dates. If it does, then this person is not for you. People cannot fall in love for life in three dates. Those who manage to pull that off were just extremely lucky. If a date wants to get too personal too fast, say so, and don’t deviate from your wants and needs. The right mate for you will stick around a lot longer.