The legislators in Florida seem to believe all this fighting over custody in courts is about labels. "Get rid of the labels, you get rid of the fighting," according to Florida House Rep. Jim Frishe of Pinellas County. I'm not so sure that this is what the fighting is about. You're still, in most cases going to have a residential parent, and a visiting parent no matter what you term them. The residential parent is going to feel like they are the main parent and the children will feel that way. You are still going to have one parent passing money to the other parent and one parent having the child more, terms are not the problem, control is.

Many states have terms such as, "parenting plan", "parenting time", "Joint Legal and Physical Custody", but these terms mean nothing without action and true consequences for violating the court orders. In most cases where there is a lot of fighting and going back and forth to court, you have at least one parent, if not both, who will always fight over every aspect of raising their children. They likely fought during the marriage too, about the children. Divorce changes nothing. It only changes the power structure and location of the parents.

The Judicial system is a horrible place to work out a divorce with children. Judges aren't trained counselors, and they're not trained in human nature at all. They are trained in the law, which in many cases is cut and dried. For instance, the Child Support part of Divorce seems to be standard with judges rarely deviating from the rules and guidelines as written. However, when it comes to visitation, parenting time, or other issues judges have a hard time letting go of their own biases.

I have seen judges act very harshly towards a woman who willingly gave up custody of her girls to their formerly stay at home father, and I have seen judges act harshly to men who want more time with their children, punishing them with unfair payments over and above Child Support essentially making him homeless. I have yet to see how any of these rulings are in the best interest of the children. Labels can sometimes be painful, but covering up a painful situation with a pretty word can be worse because it can make us blind to the awful truth.

What we really need besides a rewrite of law with politically correct verbiage is a change of heart. In America, we talk the talk, but we don't walk the walk about the importance of parenthood. Parenthood is an afterthought; it is something we do in our free time. When parenting is taken seriously then a child losing one or both of their parents in a divorce will be taken seriously. We are raising a generation of unattached children with no real home, and no real hope, because the ones they are supposed to count on, their parents, are unaccountable.

We need a system that incorporates many different professions, accountants, counselors, psychologists, social workers, parenting coordinators, people who can see the situation from all sides who are fully trained and who have been forced to let go of their personal biases.

We have to stop making only one parent financially responsible for these services as well. Some would call me socialist for saying it, but I truly believe we should offer these services free to struggling families regardless of their income. If we truly take parenting and children seriously, we would do it. Ultimately, spending money now would save money later because if these services were available, free, and non-biased, it might even prevent a divorce in the first place. Certainly placing equal enforcement on time with children as we do money for children will cause a major change in our thinking and induce many parents to reassess their current behavior.

This law could be great, if the judges enforce it, taking both parents seriously. In my way of thinking, "Judicial Discretion" often mucks up the law as written. The way it is written, it looks fabulous. It would be great if I could believe that both parents really will get 50/50 rights and responsibilities to the children they chose to bring into the world. I'll believe it when I see it.

I urge you to read it, as it is likely to become a guide to all states across the country. You can view it by going toMy Florida House do a search on House Bill 1075.

Tell me what you think on our discussion forums.