Back to school is a time full of mixed emotions. Sometimes you're glad the little rug-rats will be at school so you can get a break. Sometimes you're sad because they're growing up so fast. When you're divorced these milestones carry special meanings and can bring mixed emotions and even conflict. If you and your ex have an acrimonious relationship it can be hard to decide who is going to these monumental events, such as the first day of school, or the open house. If looking at your child's face looking up at you with such trust and devotion does not convince you and your ex to start working out your differences so that you can attend these events together, then may I say something serious to you? Grow up!

Someday your children will grow up and when they look back on their lives, through adult eyes, will they be happy at what they remember or devastated? Divorce does not have to be a tragedy. Divorce can be a renewal and a good thing for a family if the adults are willing to do the right thing for their children. Both parents, if possible, should attend all their child's special days in and out of school. Both parents, if possible, should demonstrate love and forgiveness to their children by acting like adults at these events. Can you imagine just for a moment the stress that a first grader must have when she is worried about the fights her parents might get into in front of everyone at her first school play? Can you imagine just for a moment the anxiety of worrying about her parents being in the same room that your child is experiencing? This is wrong! Stop it!

Your children love both of their parents. Your children deserve to be able to have a carefree childhood without trying to moderate fights between the adults who are supposed to teach her proper adult behavior. Children do not belong in the role of mediator of their parents. Children do not belong in the fray at all. Even if your child tells you all the things, you want to hear, it may not be the truth. Many children will tell each parent what they want to hear as a self-protection mechanism. I have known children to call up the NCP and say "I don't want you there" when it came to open house, performances, or other important events. The child did this to protect herself and this was the easiest way to accomplish it since she lived with the CP. She thought she was protecting all of them from unwanted scene because her CP could not handle being in the same room with her NCP.

If your child is expressing dislike for her other parent based on what your ex did to you, it is time to do some serious soul searching. If you allow your child to grow up learning to hold grudges, being unable to forgive, and especially allowing them to distance themselves from their other parent, you are creating a serious emotional scar in your child's heart and soul.

Invite your ex to your child's first day, if he or she cannot come, do not announce to your child that you invited them and they do not want to come. Keep it to yourself. Invite them, but keep these adult things private. If your ex does come, be gracious, hold your head up high, and revel in the fact that there is another human being out there who truly does love your child as much as you do. As you become accustomed to being gracious and wonderful you will see a change in your ex. Sometimes the ex will test your resolve by throwing a temper-fit, like a two year old, but keep your head up high and be steady it will get better.

Order two copies of school pictures, or at the very least invite your ex to order his own copy in plenty of time to accomplish it. Give notice to your ex the moment you find out about special days and events, email is perfect for accomplishing this task. Another good tool to use is Google calendar. You can set it up so that only the people you invite can see it, change it, and update it. That way the parents and children can work together on keeping schedules straight and each other informed.

Sit together at your child's school activities and performances and if you really want to cause some commotion, invite the stepparents too. You can never have too many people love your child.