When you're divorced things that used to be simple, while not easy, are now both hard and complicated. Buying school clothing and supplies is one of those issues that can get tempers flaring when the parents are divorced.

The Non Custodial Parent (NCP) believes their child support should cover all these items while the Custodial Parent (CP) believes otherwise. Who is right?

Well, technically the NCP is correct in terms of how child support is figured in most states. The way child support is computed in most states takes into consideration all expenses that two parents with that particular combined income will spend raising their child over 18 years. Then, each parent is required to pay a portion of this expense usually based on what is called an income shares model. For example if the NCP earns 80 percent of the combined income then the NCP pays 80 percent of whatever the computed cost of raising that child is. That means that the CP has to then contribute 20 percent. Most of you likely have a form in your divorce papers that spell this out. Take a look and see for yourself what your amount is supposed to be whether or not you're the CP or NCP.

Morally, if you are either the NCP or CP you should absolutely contribute to any costs of school clothing, supplies and the ever rising fees associated with attending school. Negotiating this can be difficult, but it doesn't have to be. If both parents are generally being decent and honest people likely there will be no issues. If you happen to be one of the people who has divorced a hateful, vengeful sort, then you're going to have to just rise above the fray. If you already know the answer is no, don't even ask the question. All this does is serve to cause drama and further put the children in the middle. You already know that the answer is no so you should be planning for these added expenses and budgeting for them during the year.

When I first got a divorce my ex was not cooperative about buying "extras" and it really hurt because I had a hard time learning to budget the smaller amount that I was living on with our children. I would ask, he'd react badly to my question, and the fighting would ensue. This was not good for anyone. So I took a different approach. I sent him an email explaining that as the children's father I would ask for extras occasionally, but that if he truly could not afford it, it was OK to say no, after all he did pay his child support and alimony on time each month. It was his right to say no, it was ok, and I would not get angry. But he had to say no in a polite fashion so that we could learn to get along for the sake of our kids.

To my surprise he agreed to try. I would send him an email, for example: Hey X, our daughter needs to get new glasses they cost $225 dollars. I can afford $125 dollars, how much if any can you contribute?

At first he would respond with "I cannot afford to contribute anything this time, I am sorry", and I would write back, "That is ok, I will figure out a way to get them." (I used credit cards!) Eventually though as he saw that I was going to be reasonable in not only my requests but my reactions to his answering no, he started saying yes. Nine years later he rarely says no, but I rarely ask for extras any longer either. We're both better off financially now and we even have one child out of the nest and on her own.

So now, if I ask for money for school supplies or extraordinary costs regardless of the answer there is never a fight, nor are there hard feelings. I live on a small hourly wage, my ex lives off quite a good paycheck that is about 3 times what I make even with the child support. I used to be bitter, but I am not any longer. I am a grown woman and I am doing just fine. By demonstrating that I am a grown woman who realizes she has to take care of herself and her children he has lightened up a lot over the years.

Just remember, most of the time, when dealing with reasonable people, it takes two to fight. If you don't join in, and don't allow anger to fester, you can get along with your ex and you might be surprised at what fruits that would bear. My own ex still sends me the same amount of child support that he did when I had two children still living at home. He knows that I would have to move out of our daughter's school zone if he stopped sending that money. In exchange, we call some of this money alimony, he gets a tax break, and we all are happy.