Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

Through out a person’s life they experience many important life events and rites of passage. These may include marriage, graduation from college, or the simple everyday events that all of us experience, such as losing a first tooth.

In a traditional family both the mother and father will usually experience these events right along with the child. However, when divorce enters the picture things become more complicated. Family ties become more tangled and planning these events can seem very difficult and too emotional.

The truth is none of these events have to be difficult or more emotionally complicated just because there is a divorce. When planning any event, or reporting on an event to the parent who did not get to be there, take out your own emotions and remember who this is really about.

Birthdays are for the person celebrating the birthday. The invitation list should include those people the birthday boy or girl wishes to attend. Therefore, it is up to the parent helping to plan the event to put aside his or her own feelings and talk to their child about the invitation list, and offer to include people the child might be worried about inviting; such as a stepparent, or significant other of their other parent.

The same can be said for graduations, weddings, births, family reunions, and funerals. No child should ever have to worry about someone being upset because they love the other side of their family. No one can ever have too many people to love. I am not saying it will be easy. However, it can be done and baring abuse or other issues outside the scope of this article, it should be done.

Concentrate on your child’s beautiful face and happiness instead of how uncomfortable you feel. After all, it is more important to make sure your child feels loved by both sides of their family than on proving you are right about something. It is not your job to punish the other parent for their mistakes and transgressions.

Your job is to love your child enough to do what is good for them and right for them. Make a decision now that when your child celebrates their life events that you will include the other parent. Today it is so easy to communicate, via pictures on the cell phone, via email; it is so easy to make sure both parents are very involved in the child’s life with the click of a button. If your child loses a tooth, snap a picture and say, “let’s send this to daddy/mommy!” Demonstrate to your child that loving their entire family is wonderful.

As my daughter, Becca said at her 4th birthday party, “I love all the people who are mine!” Nothing could be better.