My girls' father is in Afghanistan this father's day. There was no way for them to speak to him today, but they were happy and assured in his love for them and knew that he had the card and cookies they worked so hard to send. For my girls, even absent their father, it was a happy day. Even though he is not here we looked at pictures and watched videos, and went to see the movie The Hulk.

For so many other fathers and children out there it was a miserable day. It wasn't miserable because they are bad fathers, it was miserable because the mother of their children have succeeded in turning their children against their father. This is the results of Parental Alienation Syndrome. (PAS)

Parental Alienation Syndrome is an illness that one parent inflicts on their child and the target, the child's other parent. The goal is that the child will align with the abuser and dislike, hate and even participate in abuse of the other parent. Unfortunately due to the nature of custody the most likely target of this is a father. It happens the other way around too, check out the link at the bottom,A kidnapped mind.

It may seem like something out of a bad made for T.V. movie but it is real and is happening every single day all over the United States and abroad. There is not much you can to to stop PAS because our court system, our mental health system, and most of us simply do not believe such a syndrome exits. Unless you've witnessed it or experienced it yourself it is very likely that you will find it hard to believe or imagine that anyone would do such a thing.

But make no mistake the Syndrome is real. It affects thousands of parents and children every single day and these special days, such as Father's Day make it all the more clear and painful for the victims of this affliction.

Many times children who are victims of PAS will participate in abusing the other parent, the target, but
the child is not to blame. The child is a victim of abuse too, the most innocent victim. I know that if you're a victim the words your child says to you hurts and you might react harshly. But I am here to tell you if you do that, you are giving the abuser what he or she wants. Instead of reacting harshly to what your child says and does to you, try to remain calm and pleasant, and go about your visits as normal, bringing in the courts if you have to force the visit. Set the child straight if the child is older about lies in the best way that you can using logical statements such as “Well, what do you think? Could that have happened like that?”

Something has to be done within the court systems and within the minds of people to make these behaviors unacceptable. If anyone tuned into a certain channel this weekend that is especially for women and saw the movies that were supposed to be for Father's Day you would really see how messed up our society is in regards to our thoughts about Fathers.

I know due to the fact my children rarely get to see their father how important fathers are. He is in the military and the last 5 years they have seen him three times due to the various missions he has been involved in for our nations security. I know what my own father means to me. He is a retired military man and I have experienced the fear of losing him to war and alcoholism. Both boys and girls need their fathers in their lives. I hope that you will join with me in making sure that your child's father is in your children's lives.

If you are a father, make sure that you are in your children's lives. If you're a target of PAS don't give up, don't take your unruly child home because you cannot handle the way they are acting. Prove the abuser wrong. Do what you can to get counseling for yourself if you cannot get it for your child. The counseling can at least help you deal with the pain, and possibly help you learn new ways to talk to your child who is participating in abuse against you. Use your court order to make sure you get the visitation you're entitled to. If you can afford it ask the courts to appoint a parenting coordinator or other go between to help with disagreements. Get involved politically both locally and nationally. Tell your story to others. Disaster or success your story will help get the word out about PAS.

You can also visit the websites below to learn more about Parental Alienation Syndrome. Even if you're sure that you're not participating in PAS read the websites, read the signs and symptoms because just maybe you will realize like I did years ago, that I unwittingly did cross the line sometimes when I talked about my children's dad, especially when the pain of divorce was brand new.

Once I realized that my job as the custodial parent was not to simply allow but to encourage and facilitate a relationship between my girls and their dad, my girls really flourished. Not only that but I have an excellent relationship with my ex and his wife now too. They know that I love my children more than I could ever hate them and will act accordingly.

Let's work together to eliminate Parental Alienation Syndrome so that every Father's Day can be a wonderful day for all children and their fathers.