Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

I get a lot of email with questions about preventing divorce. I am not sure why but it shocks me a little and I feel a little out of place answering such questions. The divorce area of BellaOnline focuses on those who are already going through a divorce, or have gone through a divorce, rather than people who want to prevent them. That is not to say anyone going through a divorce wanted to divorce or did not try to prevent the divorce from happening. I am sure they did. I know I did.

For what it is worth here are a few tips that might prevent a divorce.

Don’t marry the wrong person

I know this seems silly, but it is shocking to me, having been divorced now, how many people I see walk down the isle knowing it is with the wrong person. They have nothing in common, or hardly know each other, fight like cats and dogs, and yet, they walk down the isle anyway.

Get to know a person before you sleep with them, live with them or marry them. I am sorry but three weeks is not enough time. You need to meet their family and their friends. Old-fashioned courting, dating and engagements are something great. You need to know what kind of person with whom you are planning a life. I suggest you rent the movie: “The Heart Break Kid” with Ben Stiller.

Don’t confess if you cheat

Yes, I said that. If you do not plan to cheat again, you used a condom and were relatively safe, you want your marriage to last, and you truly regret it. Do not tell your spouse. Tell your counselor. Often telling a spouse about an affair is just a way to get rid of your own guilt.

More times than not, if you tell your spouse you will end up divorced. Only you can know for sure whether telling is going to really resolve anything or not, but more times than not, telling will be the end of your marriage.

I suggest you rent the movie: "Unfaithful” with Diane Lane and Richard Gere

Marriage is hard work

If you both give everything you have to your marriage, it can survive. Even if you have an affair. But most of us, just don’t get it. We give 50 percent or less and expect that everything will work out, or we simply do not care anymore. Marriage is work. We don’t want to hear that. If we’re divorced now, we still do not want to hear that marriage is work. We want romance. Many of us think it should be easy. If you’re in love, it should be easy. However, that just is not realistic. Marriage is work. The reason new love feels easy is that when you are in a new relationship both of you are giving 100 percent.

After reading this close your eyes and recall when you first dated your ex, or even your current love, remember how it was or is now. You give up the channel changer, you don’t care if the seat is left up, you laugh at all his jokes, you make yourself look pretty, you shave your legs. You are pleasant when he calls.

He does the same thing, he bathes, brushes his teeth, he mostly puts the seat down, he doesn’t hog the channel changer, he refrains from passing gas, he listens when you talk, he dotes on you, tells you you’re beautiful, tells you that you’re wonderful, tells you that you’re smart, then later what happens? You both become complacent. Life happens. Children come, routine sets in, and you realize that your partner is not perfect. Sometimes they are down right boring or sickening.

I suggest you rent the movie “The Story of Us” with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfieffer Warning: If you’re already divorced and you watch this. It’s hard. But it will teach you a lot about your future relationships. Marriage is hard work.

Divorce isn’t the end

Many people think when they get a divorce their relationship with their ex is over and so are all the problems. If you have kids, it is not over. You are going to have birthdays, graduations, weddings, grandbabies, and more in which you are essentially still a family.

It is important to overcome your differences and learn from them, so that you can move past it and make a good life for yourself and your children. See the movie “Stepmom” with Julia Roberts. (Note: There is no reason why a birth mom has to die or go through an awful illness to get along with and appreciate the existence of a step mom. I am very thankful for my girls’ step mom.)