One Woman's Advice to All Men

One Woman's Advice to All Men

  • The reason why our bras don't always match our outfit is because we actually change our underwear.

  • We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance --in fact -- please do!

  • Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life --you'll never see the "island" coming.

  • Your balding is a good thing --it subsidizes our hair care expenses.

  • When you're out with us, wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" --the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.

  • If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. a negative grunt.

  • Don't insist that we "get off the damn phone" and then not talk to us.

  • Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

  • If we watch football with you, it's not bonding -- it's the butts we're looking at...

  • We don't care if you hold the remote -- unlike you however, we don't enjoy watching 27 seconds of 117 different programs.

  • If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday or when you're treating us to dinner and a show.

  • No, we're not impressed with your car -- it takes no special skills to make car payments each month.

  • Please don't attempt to drive when you're not driving...

  • The next time you joke about female drivers, check the number of accidents caused by men rubber-necking at mini-skirted females.

  • Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

  • Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of showers/baths you take.

  • If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed...

  • The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim inside the toilet rim.

  • If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

  • Have a strong need for male bonding ? Visit your proctologist...

  • Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care!

  • Yes, we do look at other men. However, we don't drool like you do when you check out "babes."

  • Don't fret if you find out that the mailman delivers more than once a day...

  • When you're not around, we belch loudly too.

  • Your contributions to your children should go above and beyond that "Y" chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.

  • Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

  • Some women actually know more about a car and the mechanics involved than you do.

  • Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.

  • Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men --why is it then you never want to cook?

  • We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

  • Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss for one...

~~ Author Unknown ~~

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