One Woman's Advice to All Men
- The reason why our bras don't always match our outfit is because we actually change our underwear.
- We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance --in fact -- please do!
- Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life --you'll never see the "island" coming.
- Your balding is a good thing --it subsidizes our hair care expenses.
- When you're out with us, wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" --the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.
- If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. a negative grunt.
- Don't insist that we "get off the damn phone" and then not talk to us.
- Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
- If we watch football with you, it's not bonding -- it's the butts we're looking at...
- We don't care if you hold the remote -- unlike you however, we don't enjoy watching 27 seconds of 117 different programs.
- If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday or when you're treating us to dinner and a show.
- No, we're not impressed with your car -- it takes no special skills to make car payments each month.
- Please don't attempt to drive when you're not driving...
- The next time you joke about female drivers, check the number of accidents caused by men rubber-necking at mini-skirted females.
- Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
- Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of showers/baths you take.
- If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed...
- The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim inside the toilet rim.
- If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?
- Have a strong need for male bonding ? Visit your proctologist...
- Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care!
- Yes, we do look at other men. However, we don't drool like you do when you check out "babes."
- Don't fret if you find out that the mailman delivers more than once a day...
- When you're not around, we belch loudly too.
- Your contributions to your children should go above and beyond that "Y" chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.
- Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
- Some women actually know more about a car and the mechanics involved than you do.
- Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.
- Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men --why is it then you never want to cook?
- We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.
- Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss for one...
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