Hatred is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I just read this in a post on the Internet. I looked it up, and I cannot find out who said it first, but there are several people using it as their quote on their signature line.

I find it to be very, very powerful.

When I first read it, I realized how many of us who are going through a divorce, or have gone through a divorce, suffer from the seething, life draining feelings of hatred toward our ex spouse, their new spouse, and anyone else that we want to blame for our pain.

We allow hatred to consume us, while the other person just goes happily on their merry way. We believe that forgiveness will somehow let our ex off the hook.

The problem is that hatred really is a poison that kills. It is not hurting the person that you think you are aiming at in any way. It will not get you what you want.

Hatred will cause you to seek a vengeful attitude and may even cause you to participate in self-destructive behaviors. It can even cause you to commit crimes such as murder. Every one of us probably has seen the movie on Life Time about Elisabeth Anne (Betty) Broderick who shot her ex-husband and his new wife to death in their bed.

I’m sure many of us who have gone through affairs, cheating, and losing everything could relate to her feelings and actions. We could actually understand it. Maybe even some of us felt sorry for her.

I know when I watched the movies based on her life, I became a little obsessed with her, and subsequently located and found interviews of Betty and I even read the book. I do believe that she was wronged. I believe that her husband cheated on her with the woman he later married. I believe that she really did make her children, her husband and his career her entire life. I believe she was likely treated unfairly in a court system that her husband owned.

Nevertheless, in the end, she ruined her entire life and created a martyr out of him and his wife. This is an extreme example, and yes, her hate ruined many lives, but ultimately her hate has poisoned her life too. Even before she went to prison, she had no life outside of her hate for her ex and his new wife. She could not even remember how to love her own children her hate consumed her so.

Had she been able to stop her hatred and revenge seeking she could have walked away from the marriage with 17K a month and her children. However, she could not do it; the hate had taken away her sanity, and even her will to be free. If you think you are above that, think again.

Any of us who let hate and negativity seep into our lives without fighting it, without trying to learn some sort of forgiveness can sink to that level because the hate is slowly poisoning all of your ability to reason until you finally think it is a good idea to kill either him or yourself. To this day Betty feels justified by what she did. The hate took away her mind so thoroughly.

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. Indifference will not eat away at you, indifference will not cause you to lose sleep at night, and indifference will not take away your joy in life. It will not eat away at your ability to reason until you commit crimes against humanity.

This is an extreme example of how hatred and vengefulness in a divorce can destroy lives. Take a good look at what you are doing. Are you allowing a hateful, vengeful spirit to destroy you?