Guest Author - Melissa Weise

It can be difficult to get along with your parents when you are a teen. Some of that is part of being a teenager. You are on your way to being an adult yourself and your family’s dynamics are changing. And change can be hard. Here are six practical suggestions on how to get along with better with your parents as you go through the transition of being a teenager.

Know the rules.
More often than not, teenagers aren’t really sure about what the house rules are now that they are a teen and sometimes parents haven’t done a really good job of telling them. So, if you take a moment to think about it and realize that you aren’t really clear, ask your parents for clarification. Many parents and teens sit down and make what is called a “contract”. Some teens are apprehensive about asking for a contract, but usually parents are impressed. When you make a contract, you and your parents negotiate what the rules are and what happens when they are broken. Then, you all sign it. Here are some questions to ask when you make a contract or if you are trying to figure out the rules:
Do you know when your curfew is?
Are there certain people or places that are “off limits”?
What is your text message limit per month?
Do your parents expect you to achieve a certain grade?
What about dating? What are the rules there?
Do you have chores you are supposed to do regularly?
What does “grounded” mean?

Try to negotiate with sibs
When you and your sibs fights, this stresses out your parents. And when your parents are stressed, it might be taken out on your – whether or not you “started it”. So, a good way to get along better with your parents is to try and “negotiate” rather than fight with your sibs.

Recognize that this is hard for them, too
You are their baby and always will be. It is difficult for many parents to think of their children as becoming adults. This changes how they think about themselves. They have been parents of a “child” for so long, it is hard to think about being parents of an “almost adult”. Parents don’t always have all the answers not do they always do the right thing. So, realize that this is all new for them, too and have some patience.

Communicate
Probably the number one complaint parents have about their teens is that they don’t talk anymore. And when you don’t talk to the people you live with, disaster is about to strike. Basic communication is needed to make sure that the household runs smoothly at the very least. Good communication is necessary to keep a decent relationship up with people. It is easy to get very involved with your new life as an “almost adult”, but don’t forget to communicate with those you live with, either. Communication can come in many forms. One way is to share your dreams. You parents want to be a part of your life. That doesn’t mean that you have to spend oodles of time with them or share every last detail, but let them know some of your dreams. They love to hear what their child wants to do with his or her life. Another way to communicate is to share your concerns. This can be a little harder and so some good times to share concerns without feeling stressed is when you are shoulder to shoulder rather than face-to-face like when you are riding in a car or doing the dishes.

Ask for space
Yup, parents can sometimes be intrusive. They are so used to having to care for your, that they forget you are your own “almost adult” person now. They barge in to your room, look at your stuff, and ask all sorts of personal questions. But instead of getting angry, ask for space. Let them know that you need your privacy and if you ask respectfully, you are more likely to get it.

Make a “cool down” rule
Despite everyone’s good intentions, fights will happen. It is an inevitable part of life. So, plan for that and make a “cool down” rule. This rule needs to be put into place during a calm time and usually it is a hand signal or a certain word. It is to be used when things are getting just too heated and everyone needs a time-out during a fight. But don’t over-use it or your parents won’t respect it. On the other hand, if you use it well, it may just be the best thing that happened to your family.