1. Make copies or find originals of all your important documents
Make sure you gather all important documents and information prior to going to a lawyer. If you don’t normally check the mail, or review financial statements, start doing so now. It is very important for you to know what you and your spouse have and do not have before seeking legal assistance.
Some items you should find and file away for your use:
- Birth Certificates
- Social Security Cards
- Shot Records
- Medical Records
- Adoption Papers
- School Records
- Financial Records
- Deeds/Titles
- Military Records
- Insurance Documents
- Wills
2. Pay off Debt
Start paying down debt now. If you and your spouse have a lot of debt consider, consumer credit counseling to get you on track. The days where the man gets stuck with all the debt at the time of divorce are over. Unless your husband is wealthy, you can expect to end up with all the debt that is in your own name, at least, and 50% of the “marital” debt.
3. Save Money
Ideally, you need six months of living expenses to which only you have access. You do not know how your husband is going to react to your wanting a divorce so it is better to be prepared than to worry about being deceptive right now. This is especially important if you are a stay at home parent with no income of your own. If this is the case, it might be wise to get a job now rather than later so that you can determine a realistic budget should you divorce. Yes, your attorney will probably tell you not to get a job, but unless your husband is loaded, it is not realistic to continue being a stay at home parent and it could harm you financially in the end. Remember that many divorce lawyers want one thing: To drag out your divorce as long as possible soaking you BOTH of money that could be part of the settlement rather than his or her fee.
4. Establish Credit in your own name
This may seem contradictory to the above advice. However, I’m not telling you to go into massive debt. If you get a loan or a credit card in your own name, charge something on it and take at least six months to pay it off in a timely manner, you’ve established your own credit. Even just acquiring the credit cards in your own name without using them is a good idea. Even if you are a stay at home mother you can get a credit card in your own name. Apply for one through your credit union. Stay away from fee based cards. Shop around for the best rate.
5. Get some counseling
It is very important to make sure you are getting a divorce for the right reasons. If your husband is not abusive, addicted or having an affair, it is possible that you’re just experiencing a normal lull in your romantic feelings for your husband. People in long marriages report that it is sometimes difficult to remember why you loved the person you are married to, but with work, that love always comes back. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Sometimes the grass at home just needs tending. Make sure.
6. Check your insurance coverage
If you are covered under your spouses insurance through his group plan at work, you may have problems getting insurance after a divorce. You should be able to get COBRA but that only lasts for up to 18 months and it is very expensive. Consider that cost in your divorce settlement. Look beyond that time as well and figure out what you are going to do to keep medical coverage on yourself. Individual coverage is hard to come by, if you are just a few pounds over-weight they can turn you down.
7. Make sure you have transportation
You are going to need transportation during and after your divorce. It is very rare that you will receive enough alimony or child support to cover such payments. Usually the person who acquires the asset in the divorce also acquires the debt of that asset. Therefore, you may get the good car, but you will also likely get the big payment. Even more reason to work on paying off debt before you start a divorce action.
8. Can you keep the house?
Maybe, maybe not. Again, the person who keeps the asset usually is the person who will pay for the asset. Unless your spouse is wealthy, it is unlikely he will have to pay for the house payments while you live in it. You may have to buy him out to keep it. If you cannot do that, you may have to consider selling and downsizing.
9. Remember: Mothers don’t always get custody
Many women believe that because they are the mother that they will automatically get custody. This is not true. While there is a definite mommy bias in court today, this usually happens after the divorce. In cases where a father objects to the mother having custody at the time of the divorce, the father wins more often than the mother does. So, don’t assume. Many judges award custody to the parent whom they view as the primary parent so as not to disrupt what the child is accustomed to. In addition, they will often award custody to the parent they believe will promote a relationship with both parents.
10. Men are people too
If your spouse is not abusive, addicted or committing adultery but you still have decided, after doing your due diligence that you need to divorce, be gentle. Tell your spouse in a non-confronting way, and assure them that you have planned it out and you want to be fair in the settlement. Usually if you show him that you are not out to get him and that you just want a divorce, and that he will still be a father to your children, and you will not take ever penny he has, it will go a lot smoother.
