If your affair is the reason you are in the divorce process, while you probably have regret and blame about the situation, you still need some help through the process. You wonder, do you have a right to support? Are you going to lose everything? Are you going to lose your kids? Will your spouse take all your money?

You do have a right to support through your divorce. You should seek out a lot of support to help you deal with your guilt over the issue. Be honest with a counselor, minister, or other professional so that they can help you identify the causes of your indiscretion so that it will never be repeated. People who do not heal themselves during the divorce process often go on to repeat mistakes with new partners.

Most of the time an affair has very little to do with the actual settlement in a divorce action. In states that have no fault divorce, this is especially true. Do not allow your spouse to intimidate you into thinking otherwise. Unless you have been doing inappropriate things in front of the children your affair should not play a factor in either a monetary settlement or custody of your children. Caution: Do not bring your child around your new flame. This could cause serious consequences if your spouse brings it up in court.

If you had an affair and your marriage is ending as a result, you should focus on trying to have a reasonable ending to the marriage and an equitable split of assets and debts. You should consider giving your soon to be ex more of the assets than you would have otherwise to show that you are sorry for your actions. If your spouse is being vindictive and doing things that are complicating matters, are abusive, or harmful in any manner, this is going to make them look bad, not you.

Have some sympathy for your spouse. Even if you told your spouse one thousand times, you were miserable and unhappy; the affair will still be a shock. If you are leaving your spouse for the other person do not advertise it or throw it in your spouse’s face. If your spouse does not know, do not tell him, or anyone for that matter. Wait a good amount of time after the divorce is final to be public about your relationship.

Do not expect your children to want to meet the other woman or man in your life. Do not expect your child to even like this other person. If your child knows you had an affair, and this person is the “reason” for the divorce then it will be especially hard to introduce your child into your new life. That is why the reasons for the divorce should not be advertised to the child. This is between a husband and wife, not the children.

If your spouse is being especially vindictive, he or she might tell the children about the affair. If your children confront you, just calmly tell them that you and their parent are divorcing, not you and the children. That mommy and daddy love them very much, they just aren’t in love with each other anymore. Assure the children that both of you will be there for them. Resist the urge to fight back, becoming vindictive yourself.

Keep your head up high, be reasonable about the settlement, make sure your children are able to enjoy time with both parents, be understanding to your children and you will make it through your divorce even if you are getting it due to your affair.