Guest Author - Barbara Merkord

Given the complexity of our lifestyle and the social stigma that comes along with it, it should come as no surprise that many of our potential mates are already in relationships with persons of the opposite sex.

While this can be very confusing and painful for us, we have to understand that it is even more confusing and painful for them. In reality they are leading double-lives. Their lives are wrecked with havoc and uncertainty. Sure they love you and want to be with you, but they have already built a (false) life with someone else. The reasons why they have built these lives are as variable as we as human beings are. To question “why?” is futile. Better to get past the question of why, and get to the heart of the matter.

The heart is precisely where we should begin. If you love someone, and they love you, does it diminish anything because they happen to be in a relationship with someone of a different gender? What we must remember is that we all travel different paths in life, and coming out, and being out, are very difficult realities for some people. Don’t judge so quickly. Try to see the hurting and confused person for what they really are. You do not have to accept being “the other person”, but don’t condemn their choices, for we all have to choose for ourselves.

If you decide that you can’t handle being in a relationship with someone that has not left their heterosexual partner, then you must make the decision to leave the relationship. Please do so kindly. These people are facing some of the hardest moments of their lives. These people are every bit as valid and worthy as the rest of us, they are simply dealing with intense internal and external changes.

If, on the other hand, you decide that you want to stick it out and be there for them, please realize that it gets worse before it gets better. All these changes are like an emotional rollercoaster, and you my friend are going along for the ride. But fear not, at the end of the journey you will have someone who is grateful and appreciative of the truly amazing person that you are.