Once your Divorce is final, it is very likely that at some point either you or your ex will remarry. Men especially are more likely to remarry than women are, usually within a year. It is imperative that you prepare for this possibility so that it does not come as a shock.

Many parents experience extreme trepidation and down right fear at the thought of someone else taking their place with their children. First off all, this is not likely to happen. If you are an adequately good parent, your children love you fiercely and if you have taught them well, they’re going to love and accept their new Step Parent too.

The fears that parents often have are usually unfounded. Very few Step Parents turn out to be the mean warty monsters that they are made out to be in children’s books and movies. Therefore, what harm is it that your children have one more adult who loves them and helps take care of them?

It is important that you stay rational when dealing with a Step Parent and not act completely out of a primal fear of replacement. This is not going to happen. I can guarantee that most Step Parents are just as fearful about their role as you are. They hear wonderful stories about their “real” parent all the time. “Mommy” or “Daddy” always does “it” better, whatever “it” may be.

My suggestion is that you call the new Step Parent and invite him or her to lunch, for coffee, or a beer, whatever your preference is. Get to know the person, and tell them your worries, fears, concerns. I am sure they will also share theirs. Let them know that you are available to talk to when the children are with them if they have any questions. This is especially important if the Step Parent has no children of their own. They may truly be afraid of making a mistake and knowing you are but a phone call away and that you won’t judge them harshly will be a big relief.

Make an agreement with the Step Parent that you will go straight to them with any problems with them, and that you expect them to do the same. It is also important to draw clear boundaries if you need them. With my girls’ step mom, she knows I’m the mom, and I’m the boss. If I say no R rated movies, then there are no R rated movies. If you and your ex have a different arrangement, then so be it, but be clear on what the rules are.

Keep in mind thought, that if you expect the Step Parent to help with the Parenting then you should also give the Step Parent some say in rules. It is not fair for a Step Parent to have to do all the work of raising children, but get none of the rewards. As Parents, we are rewarded with wonderful hugs, handmade cards on Mother’s day, and squeals of delight when we pick them up for school. Oftentimes Step Parents do not get the same rewards. At least listen to their views.

As long as all the adults are normal, there is nothing wrong with having a good relationship with the Step Parent. He or she will never take your place; even if you pass away, you will always be your child’s Mommy or Daddy. How comforting it would be to know that there is someone else that will love and care for your child as their own if needed.