Dating during divorce is an often-disputed activity. Lawyers will advise against it, estranged spouses will hate it, and judges look down on it. However, most people do date during their divorce if it is a long one. If it has been more than a year since your separation and it looks like there is no end in sight during an acrimonious divorce dating will probably be a great relief to the stress. Here are some thoughts and ideas to keep in mind if you choose this path.
Do not introduce your children to casual dates. Children are already going through enough turmoil without meeting “uncle” Joe and “aunt” Jane every weekend. In addition, children sometimes grow attached to your new friend and when they leave, it will hurt them more. They are already going through enough.
Watch out for child predators. I’m sorry they exist. Both men and women can be predators; this is obvious enough with all the recent news of female teachers being sexually involved with 13 year olds. By not introducing your children to a string of “dates” you are protecting them for would be predators. Wait until you know a lot about your date and are planning a long-term possibly permanent relationship with that person before introducing them to the children.
Sexual matters are private. Do not hug, kiss and otherwise show public displays of affection in front of your children. Even if your dating partner is truly now a long term relationship this is not a good idea. Especially if you’re not yet legally divorced. This is confusing to the children and will infuriate your ex and maybe the judge.
Sleepovers when the children are present are just wrong. If you are not divorced yet, do not have a sleep over when the child is present. You are setting a bad example for the children. What you do when mommy or daddy has visitation is none of the child’s business. If you want to have a sleep over then, fine. Go for it. However, keep it to yourself. If you are one of those parents who want their angels to be virgins upon their wedding night, demonstrate exactly that by your example get married before having sleepovers. If you have an alternative life, then that is ok too, but do not expect your children to live any differently than you do. Demonstrate the standards that you expect from your children.
If you share custody with your soon to be ex, try dating only during that other parent’s parenting time. This is especially if you are the non-custodial parent. You see so little of your child, it is best that you make that time together somewhat of a priority. If it is a special event or work related and you happen to take a date, that is probably ok, but just a normal Friday out to a movie during your limited time with your child would be unfair.
Do not flaunt your dating and watch how you behave in public. If you’re in the middle of a particularly messy divorce consider waiting until it is over but if you can’t be smart, be safe, and put your children’s feelings first.
