After a divorce it is normal to have a lowered self image. No matter whose fault the divorce is, it is normal to feel unsure about your own self worth. But there are ways to rebuild self esteem and confidence after a divorce.
Face Your Fears
After getting a divorce it is very difficult to even get out of bed much less make plans for the rest of your life. However, facing your fears head on is the best way to gain the confidence you need to move past your divorce. Start small, pick one challenge at a time, one fear at a time to overcome. For example, if you're afraid of being alone try going to a movie alone or out to eat alone. You might find that you actually enjoy spending quality time with yourself.
Make Good Choices
When you have to make a choice about something, whether it is as important as which school your children will attend or as frivolous as whether or not to color your hair, make choices based on good information not on what others think or based on fear. If you have any doubt about a choice, and think you might regret something later, just say no. For most choices, there is no rush. For choices that must be made today get all the information that you can and then just choose what you think is best. If you're making choices based on good information you're going to be fine.
Become Self Aware
During marriage it is so easy to become enmeshed with your spouse and your family, forgetting yourself and your needs. Start thinking about your own needs, desires, and wants. It is not selfish to spend time developing yourself. Join a Yoga class or learn about meditation which will immediately help you become more aware of you. Remember what it is like to take care of yourself, and just simply breathe.
Avoid Perfection
No one is going to be perfect. You will make mistakes. The important part is that you learn from them and move on. So what if you don't get dinner on the table by six pm every night. The kids will survive. So what if you don't have time to go to every PTA meeting, or be the home room mom, you will over come and others can step up and do their time. No one is going to judge you harsher than you do yourself so give yourself a break.
Let go of Negativity
Divorce is a negative experience, but you can still let go of the negativity by looking at the good aspects of gaining freedom from your marriage. Turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts. It may seem simplistic to say it but it really works. So, your ex left you for another woman? Instead of thinking: “I'm worthless because he left me for another woman.” Think: “Better her than me! Thank God I'm out of THAT situation!”
Appreciate the Small Things
Time goes by really quickly. Our lives are so very short in the scheme of the universe. Each day try to feel appreciative of the smallest things. The feel of the cold sheets on your body as you climb into bed, the sunlight shining into your room when you wake in the morning, that first morning stretch as you wake up, the hot water of the shower over your body, the laughter of your children... there is so much to appreciate in every single day that you are alive, this part is easy. Remember to notice these things and take a small moment to appreciate them.
Reward Success
Reward yourself when you get through day not completely void of self doubt, but void of letting your self doubt get in the way of moving yourself forward and enjoying your life to the fullest. People with high self esteem still have doubts sometimes but they power through them and continue doing and living as full of a life as possible.
Rebuilding self esteem after a divorce will take some time and effort but the journey will be worth it. Before you know it, you'll be feeling not like your old self again, but like your new self, a whole, happy free person who is confident in herself and the future she can provide.
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
