Some people have a hard time coming to acceptance because they mistakenly believe this is some form of approval or condoning of horrible behavior. It is not. It simply means that you know you cannot change what is done, and you're ready to move past it.
Maybe it will help to redefine the word acceptance. Acceptance does not have to mean agreeing with or condoning, it can mean that you have come to the realization that what's done is done and there is no going back.
Acceptance can mean that you are no longer trying to fight the divorce from happening, you are no longer trying to change anything, you're finally accepting that it has occurred or will occur no matter how much you protest. In addition it can mean that you are no longer trying to punish the offender, regardless if the offender is you or someone else. You simply let go, and move forward.
Once you get to acceptance you can then start working on higher goals and such as seeking to learn from your experience what you can. You can stop blaming yourself or others and start doing things for yourself to improve your mind, your body, and even your surroundings. If you're stuck in blame and other nonproductive behaviors it will be difficult if not impossible for you to find any measure of permanent happiness.
It might help you to remember that it is not your job to punish either yourself or others for past mistakes. Likely the natural consequences of the behavior that lead to divorce is enough punishment, and for those who believe in the afterlife and a higher power, punishment is left to God, not us. We are instructed to forgive unless we ourselves will not be forgiven.
Even if you're not a believer this is still sound advice, to forgive. When we forgive others or ourselves for transgressions, even if they are done on purpose, we immediately move to a higher level in our understanding of human nature.
Make no mistake, acceptance and forgiveness is hard work. Your feelings will often fluctuate. One day you will feel completely accepting and forgiving and the next you will be angry and in a blame mode again. This is completely natural and does not mean you're not getting better, it only means you have to look inward harder, and work more diligently on making these times of nonproductive emotions shorter. If you can shorten the nonproductive feelings even by one minute each day, you can count yourself successful.
One exercise that can help you to do this is to keep a diary and write down how you feel each day, what happened to make you feel that way and what makes it better or worse. Just the act of writing down these things will go a long way to helping you move forward. The important thing is that you have a goal to work toward and you move forward each day even if only a little bit.
